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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690383">Ursa Major</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Braca/pseuds/Captain_Braca'>Captain_Braca</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, Game typical content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:34:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690383</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Braca/pseuds/Captain_Braca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of the Aldecaldo/Star Ending,<br/>This predominantly follows Panam and Male V (romanced)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Panam Palmer/Male V, Panam Palmer/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>After finishing the game I was honestly left with so many thoughts and feelings.<br/>Following on from what I think is the happiest/most hopeful ending we have this; my attempts to make sense of what we do see, and tack on what I'd want to see, with a dash of HEA undercurrent because it is FF afterall!<br/>(Corpo back story)<br/>Oh also, never written fic before so idk what I'm doing, or how it's gonna go. If I stick to it this should be a whole fic. No beta so apologies for the many errors!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mid morning sun pierced the worn canvas tent and danced across V's face, his eyes slowly opened as he awoke. The clock on his Kiroshi HUD helpfully informing him it's was 10:13am and he had missed the communal camp breakfast. He scrubbed his hands across his face, less than 5 days ago he had been human, he had a soul, but now? Now he was an engram, his old body, his host body, was still a decaying mess and all the expensive cyberware in the world wasn't going to save him, not unless Panam had anything to say about it. He smiled to himself at the thought, and made his way over to the standing basin. Lamenting the basic amenities he set about trying his best to maintain a modicum of hygiene out in these wastes. While not a delicate flower by any stretch, he wasn't sure he'd ever quite get used to this 'rough living', then again he had hated his comfortable corpo life back in night city too. A loud crash outside shook him from his reverie. </p>
<p>"God dammit, Julian! I said STOP!" Mitch yelled. A rather meek apology followed as a car engine was switched off.<br/>
If they remained stuck here this side of the North California/Nevada border for much longer a fight was going to break out. V finished towelling himself off and started dressing. The situation was tenuous at best ever since the clan split 4 days ago, the strain seemed to visibly weigh on all of those that remained. So much for family, V thought bitterly, not that he had honestly put much stock in such things, he was upset for Panam. Take one death of the old school clan leader who was constantly leading them into problems, add an influx of wealth in the form of Arasaka loot and you will apparently get the final nail for most clan members.<br/>
He finished tightening the straps on his Militech body armour and pushed through the tent door into the harsh sun, the relic malfunction started immediately, not as severe now as it had been, and minus the taunting presence of Johnny, but the world around him flickered and glitched as so often had. Drastic changes in light seemed to trigger it more often than not, perhaps light sensitivity played a role in this, V mused. He set off for the canteen truck in the hopes of something edible. Panam had been right, The food they ate sucked, but she had been wrong in that it only took V a few days to understand what she meant, not a few weeks. Some tepid soupy scop was all that was available, sat in an old storage canister they had repurposed into a pan of sorts. It was food, and V was famished, at least that was back to normal. Those weeks chasing down leads he'd never felt his stomach grumble. </p>
<p>V perched on a stool as he ate and surveyed his surroundings, nearby Julian and Mitch were bickering as they pushed the slightly scratched Coyote away from the rather more dented tent pole, the whole frame leaned awkwardly, though didn't collapse. </p>
<p>"Oh someone's finally up" Panam teased, as she trudged up behind him, "Thought we were gonna have to transport sleeping beauty over the border in his cot" she bumped his shoulder lightly with her fist as she hopped up to sit on the counter beside him.<br/>
"I am beautiful, that's true" V grinned in reply, Panam scoffed suppressing a smile of her own and shoved his shoulder more forcefully this time.<br/>
"Careful!! I nearly spilt my..." V paused and gestured at his bowl "...whatever this is!" He looked up the question on the tip of his tongue, "Trust me, some thing's are better off not knowing" she grimaced.<br/>
V nodded and lacking enthusiasm resumed eating his "breakfast". </p>
<p>A cool gentle breeze brushed over him, it was welcome in the morning heat, but it was only going to get hotter and V was not exactly excited, frowning he set his bowl aside. "You uh... how you feeling today?" She asked in a non chalant tone but he could hear the worry in her voice, and when he looked up, her face carefully schooled to look calm was betrayed by the spark of worry in her warm brown eyes. She was probably more worried about that timer over his head than he was, though he pondered if she realised he was already dead. He had already died, twice! What she worried over now was an engram. Then again, he felt no different as an engram than he did before... But would his thoughts and feelings be frozen in time from the moment he was "soulkiller-ed"? A thought snuffed out as abruptly as it started, he remembered Johnny. They didn't get along but even V could appreciate he had changed over time. An engram wasn't a fixed being and could evolve as any other person could... but... </p>
<p>"V, you ok?" Panam queried again, this time showing less concealed concern. </p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking, sorry. Um you were talking 'bout taking me over the border asleep, that mean the winds changed direction? The radiation cloud cleared?" </p>
<p>She fidgeted slightly her brows slightly pinched together searching V's faced for deception, finding none they eased "No. Well, not yet. But soon! The weather reports we can piece together from fragmented radio transmissions suggest it'll be calming in a few hours, and safe enough to traverse about a day after that. Come on I'll show you" she hopped off the counter and began walking away. Following her lead and only slightly distracted by the rhythmic swaying of her hips V piped up "So what, were you expectin' me to sleep for two days solid?" </p>
<p>"Ha!" She turned around but kept walking backwards noticing exactly where V's eyes had been as they snapped up to meet hers, an eyebrow raised and a pleased smile spreading across he face, she cooed "I know your delicate Corpo life never prepared you for actual hard work out in the dirt" </p>
<p>"Ah, I got plenty dirty enough becomin' the best Merc in Night city" V defended as Panams heels hit the ledge to the command tent bringing them both to a halt. </p>
<p>"Tooting your own horn there, that for your benefit or mine?" She jabbed </p>
<p>"Just sayin'. I mean without me you'd still not have your truck!" V challenged with an all too smug grin </p>
<p>Her eyebrows shot up and her smile dropped to a more serious thin line. He worried he had practically punched a sore spot, after all, her problems might not have started with him, but it sure felt like every time he had helped her resolve an issue, he only went and gave her another. However he knew she wasn't upset and that he had lost the friendly fight before she even opened her mouth such was the satisfied look that she wore.<br/>
"And prey tell, what heady heights would this big tough Night city Merc have reached without the help of little old me?" Her arms made exaggerated sweeping gestures as she spoke, accompanied by a slightly pointed glare. Then she turned and walked up to the centre table with a large holographic map in the middle. V trotted after her<br/>
"Can I just say Touché, or do I have to formally concede defeat?" He returned with a just a hint of a sheepish tone. </p>
<p>She waved the question away with a broad smile and pointed down "Here." Her finger highlighted a blue lined that cut very close to big radiation signs on one side and very close to an area marked 'Raffen Shiv heavy, don't even bother' on the other. " This the route? Looks... Crowded..." she rolled her eyes and waved it off dismissively "Ugh, it's fine, trust me, this isn't even a thing now that... Now we're a less noticeable party, if we're watchful, we can be much more stealthy. And so long as we dont stop and roll on the floor, the residual radioactive particulates should be minimal" she turned and rested one hand on her hip, a motion subtley more stiff than intended. He could tell she was forcing her flippant appearance again, she was in charge of the group now, her and only her. Everything on her shoulders. V shuffled closer and took one of her hands in his, "You're right, everything will be fine" He soothed and gave her hand a soft squeeze, a mischevious smile tugging at his lips when he added "You could call shotgun on the tank, and I offer my services as co-pilot freely" his eyebrows waggled suggestively.<br/>
"Fuck V" she laughed tossing her head back, "One time. It was one time" </p>
<p>"Our first time" he ammended with an over the top wistful expression. </p>
<p>"Shut up!" She stabbed him in the chest with a finger of her free hand to punctuate her point "These tents aren't exactly sound proof, and I like my private business remaining private, and... just shut up!" her voice was sharp though she had the most brilliant smile. </p>
<p>With the most theatrical motion he covered his heart with his spare hand, "I am not ashamed of you, are ashamed of me?" He feigned hurt. </p>
<p>She paused clearly looking slightly uncomfortable, and she withdrew her hand from his, a bright red blush crept across her cheeks and ears "I.. I just remembered I got shit to do, later V!" She blurted and rushed out of the tent like it was on fire. </p>
<p>V sighed to himself. In a camp with nowhere to go and only a few light maintenance jobs to do he knew she had forgotten nothing, but in that moment he had. She was still not as comfortable with the relationship thing as he was. He knew she cared. She risked her life to try and help save him, she pretty much asked him run away with her, but most of all that look. Vs face broke out into the brightest smile. That look she had when he first woke up after Mikoshi, when she realised he was still in there, she had hugged him so tight he was glad he'd gotten the titanium skeleton biomodification. </p>
<p>"You alright there, V?" Mitch queried, his hand waving in front of Vs face. </p>
<p>Jerking back into motion his eyes settling on the older man "hmmm?" </p>
<p>"Ya just stood there with this big dopey look on your face, what gives? You alright?" He probed with a level of suspicion </p>
<p>The smile remained just a fierce and V almost laughed at the question when he realised the answer  "Honestly? Probably the best I've ever been."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late evening when V finally emerged from his tent again, he had helped Mitch do a few repairs on the Shion Coyote in the afternoon. And by helped he had mostly just shuffled about handing him the wrong tools and observing how to buff and repaint a bumper. After being shooed away for proving a bigger hindrance than help he had retired to read, it all felt too relaxed and slowed down.<br/>
The decade of stress trying to get the grades to get a corporate sponsorship at university, the years of pressure and anxiety working at Arasaka, the months of partying it up with Jackie trying to forget his whole life was in the toilet... THEN some extraordinarily difficult weeks trying not to die with a 70 year old rocker nagging him on his death bed. He could hardly fathom the feeling, no where he had to be, nothing he had to do. The only things that bothered him in that moment were the off key notes of somebody who was trying to learn the guitar, and the absence of Panam. Admittedly it was mostly just the latter. He hadn't seen her since earlier that morning when she had... left to do other things... He'd staunchly left her alone til after lunch, she had clearly wanted a little space. Then he had skulked around camp hoping to spot her and quickly noticed her Thorton missing, not missing a beat he tried to surreptitiously glean her location through others with offers of help. Unfortunately his help had mostly been shrugged off, they wanted techie skills and his brute force was a fat lot of good. The doubts and worries that her sudden departure was of a more serious nature he had been completely oblivious to were bouncing about in his head. </p>
<p>The fading sun bathed the camp in a picturesque golden orange, and he stalked over to the canteen, it was much more crowded than before. Almost the whole camp was gathered around a large crackling fire, all sat on folding chairs, tyres or boxes. Laughing and chatting as they ate another unidentifiable substance, completely unconcerned by their missing leader. That was a good sign, V thought, if they weren't worried, he shouldn't be worried... </p>
<p>V slumped down on a storage crate slightly away from the group, his back guarded by two adjacent repair tents. Indeed the food was foul as expected, but it was a more appealing colour this time, less sludgey grey green than his breakfast. Somebody by the fire had finished eating quickly and had already started the ritual evening campfire music. The soothing rustic melody had distracted him as he watched the  kaleidoscopic of light disappear from the sky, until only shades of blue remained, and the first stars began to glint and glimmer. He thought back to the first time he had really stopped to appreciate the stars, he had been unable to even see them all those years in  Night City, he'd never seen their beauty. That was the first moment he could remember just sitting back and being, the first time he could remember ever feeling at peace. Sat with some old train signalling station behind him, a morning of blood and fighting in front, a sparkling sky above, and someone truly breathtaking beside him. When she pointed up at the sky and made him see it's magnificence for the first time, he remembered thinking in that moment that it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever see. Then she made that terrible yet glorious joke and when he looked back to her almost frustrated that this magical moment was disturbed, his eyes met hers. And that was the moment. The most beautiful thing he'd ever see. Her eyes kind and caring, the softest smirk she couldn't fully contain. The moment a star filled sky was a dull nothing next to her radiance. </p>
<p>It was coming up on 10pm and most of the Aldecaldos had already made their way back to their tents, ready to rise early and get packing to leave tomorrow. V had easily eavesdropped a distant conversation between Mitch and somebody called Phil, nobody seemed to realised just what his cyberware was capable of, which suited him just fine. The good news was that Panam was fine, she was off on some supply run scavenging through some abandoned settlement nearby, and would be back later that evening. The bad news was he felt like a tool for worrying over it so much. Panam was a strong perfectly capable woman, and she had demonstrated as much on their numerous adventures. Did that mean he would stop worrying about these things though. Definitely not. He finally summoned up the will to let things be and got up to take his makeshift crockery and cutlery back to the canteen to wash it up, chastising himself as he went. </p>
<p>Getting back to the tent he was half hoping she had somehow silently driven back to the camp and gone to bed, no such luck. Slowly and methodically he removed his armour vest and dumped it to the side. A faint hum could be heard, when he focussed it was unmistakable, a vehicle... big... ish... a thundering engine with a lot of weight when it bumped and thumped over the uneven terrain. That was her truck he'd put eddies on it. A sudden wave of anxiety washed over him, it was still distant... He set about straightening things that needn't be straightened that extra millimetre. V sighed, he was doing it again, fretting over gonk stuff. Pulling himself together he finished brushing his teeth and clambered into his bed... No. Her bed... Their bed? He screwed his eyes shut and tried not to think about it anymore. </p>
<p>Exactly 1 hour, 17 minutes, and 43 seconds later, not that V had been counting, he heard footsteps come to a halt outside their tent. There was a long pause and he wondered if had been mistaken, that was until he heard a sharp inhale as somebody entered the tent. He tried to pretend he was asleep, if he opened his mouth he'd probably say something gonk, again... 8 agonising seconds later </p>
<p>"Hey..." Panam softly greeted </p>
<p>Terrible at maintaining his own charade V opened his eyes and looked straight to where Panam was standing somewhat stiffly by the entrance. She looked embarrassed, the same crimson still filled her cheeks, it was as though she had stepped exactly from the moment he last saw her into this one. Perhaps a slightly less panicked ready to flee wild eyed stare though. </p>
<p>"Sorry, I, uh, bolted earlier..." </p>
<p>V shook his head to stop her but his lips wouldn't move, he couldn't find any words let alone the right ones. She lifted her chin slightly misunderstanding the headshake,<br/>
She pointed at the bed "Can I?" She asked almost timidly, a sound utterly foreign to his ears. </p>
<p>"Yeah, of course!" He finally managed perhaps a bit too quickly and certainly too enthusiastically as he shuffled to the side and made space. The tension in her posture visibly loosened as she moved further into the tent and began forcing the boots off her feet with the arches of the opposite foot. </p>
<p>"I didn't mean for that" She side eyed with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. </p>
<p>"No, that's not..." He stopped himself mid sentence, she was toying with him, she wanted things to be normal. "So, health code violation incoming?" V grinned nodding his head at her feet. She laughed quietly to herself and shook her head. </p>
<p>"You gonna remember everything I say, and commit it to memory?" She smirked, as she began unfastening her jacket. </p>
<p>"Only the good" he responded in earnest earnest, they both knew she was making a joke, and when she glance over and saw his face they both knew his reply was anything but. </p>
<p>Plopping her jacket on the chair nearby she shuffled further up the bed and echoed "Can I?" There was no blanket to lift, and no more space to give, then it hit him what she wanted and he lifted his arm up. Needing no further invitation she promptly lay down and scooted back, nestling herself against his front. He dropped his arm down across her waist lazily and without realising it began idly rubbing soft circles with his thumb on her abdomen where her top didn't cover. </p>
<p>It was quiet, it was calm, and he realised he had that feeling again. The peace. Were he to remain trapped in a moment forever he'd be more than okay with it being this one. Her hair tickling his nose ever so slightly, the soft silk of her skin, the soothing knowledge that they we're here in this moment, together. </p>
<p>"Hey, V?" Her voice barely a whisper </p>
<p>"Yeh?" </p>
<p>"Thanks for..." She sighed in frustration "Just don't ever change on me, okay?" She had taken a breath and was holding it in the silent moments that followed, V wasn't sure if she noticed she was doing it, but he certainly had. </p>
<p>"Only the good?" He grinned far too pleased with himself and she scoffed. </p>
<p>"Fuck, V..." she shook her head lightly but her voice told him she had the same gonk smile on her face that he had on his. He snuggled impossibly closer and leaned over to press a soft kiss to her temple before settling his head back. If either of them found the desert heat mixed with close proximity uncomfortable, neither said a thing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N quick note to say I'm trying not to describe V too much to make it easier to picture your own over the top, sorry if that's distracting though, let me know! :) </p>
<p>Also thanks you guys who already commented I'm back this quick 'Cause of you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V woke the next morning to what was his new favourite morning ever. He wasn't a morning person by any means, but even the 5:54am clattering and banging of certain early risers packing up the camp and loading it into the trucks wasnt going to ruin this morning. The more he thought about it he realised it might even be the obnoxious early morning symphony that gave him this moment. Somehow in the night Panam had rolled over and without any degree of grace she had flopped her right arm and leg over him. Her face was pressed up against the rolled up towel she was using for a pillow, squashing her face off to one side, she was dribbling ever so slightly and a soft snore puffed every 8th or 9th breath. He felt light, like if he wasnt careful he would float out of his body, out of the tent and into the sky. A curious thought, once he might have assumed it was the sensation of your soul trying to ascend for it had lived its best moment and was checking out, nothing could top it. So what was happening to him now, his soul had already floated off without so much as a 'Been goo to know ya'. He knew of course what it was, but he dare not give it  too much thought. If he gave it the words in his head he would absolutely want to give it words out loud, and if he knew something else it's that nobody was ready for that conversation.</p>
<p>The very loud donk of a heavy metal pole falling and hitting the floor somewhere outside finally caused Panam to stir, slowly and grumpily. She groaned at the interruption stifled a yawn. In time she managed to whine the words "No...." followed by more unintelligible grumbling, "Too early... Few more hours" her face pulled into a frustrated pout,</p>
<p>"Can if ya want" he drawled utterly content, but the spell was broken, Panam started, eyes snapping open as though a gun just cocked at her head.</p>
<p>"Um..." she was a deer in headlights, "Good morning?" she choked</p>
<p>"Good Morning" V replied an octave lower than he intended, but that was understandable, he was fighting to keep from laughing, "You sleep well?" he added flicking his eyes to the current location of her wandering limbs. Realisation dawned on her as she snatched them back, despite having been the one on top of him she was the one that looked utterly trapped. </p>
<p>"uh yeah, I, yep, GReat" she stumbled through each word but she seemed to be easing slightly with each second as V pinned her with a look so serene it must have been contagious. Neither of them made a noise for a short while, the silence interspersed with camp racket.</p>
<p> "Would you...." he paused, leaving the question suspended in the tension that was now building in the very small space between their faces,<br/> "Would you say that you..." his tongue darted out to damp his lips, and her eyes followed the motion without meaning to <br/>"Slept like-" a bolt of conciousness coursed visibly through Panam and she playfully shoved him cutting him off </p>
<p>"Don't... Don't say it" she half heartedly pleaded</p>
<p>"Slept like a puppy?" he rushed, now starting to shake slightly unable to control his laughter any more, Panam couldn't stop herself from starting to smile though clearly a great deal of effort was going in to fighting it<br/>"'Cause you looked, pretty comfy to me...." V added now wriggling with full bodied laughter,<br/>Panams face contorted as the last threads holding any forced malice on her face began to snap, soon she too was laughing, </p>
<p>"You're such a gonk!" she sighed as she rolled over and away, reaching for her boots.<br/>V silently congratulated himself on not screwing anything up and began to sit up too. </p>
<p>"Do we have to get up this early?" he fussed, "You were right, it's far too early!" his only reply was a glance over her shoulder to make sure he saw her eyes roll. She finished with her boots and stepped over to the sink to start her morning routine. V flopped back into the bed, it's design sliding him back to dead centre. A few minutes passed in companionable silence  before something V remembered from yesterdays efforts</p>
<p>"Okay, genuine question, and bear in mind I am happy to help..." he started raising his hand in surrender as if he were about to share bad news. Panam peered at him over her shoulder and caught his eyes with her own, a silent prompt to continue, <br/>"Got the distinct impression yesterday that my skills are not very... Versatile here in camp, think I might get under people's feet... Is there something e-" he saw the exasperated look on Panams face an stopped <br/>"What?" she didn't answer, only raised an eyebrow in challenge a mischevious glint in her eyes. <br/>"S' true! Even Mitch got fed up when I handed him the wrong wrench for the 5th time, n' I bent a spare roll cage brace!" V was starting to feel overly exposed. Naturally Panam responded with the broadest shit eating grin she had ever given him but said nothing. V threw his hands up but conceded, getting up from the bed himself he turned and began collapsing the bed, it's warmth urging him to stop and get back in. Several minutes later the bed was in pieces and he had prepared another idea. Still crouched he turned on his heel and braced a knee on the floor, ready to try and plead another case but found his words died very quickly in his throat. Panam had turned around an was staring down at him with an utterly merciless grin, her top half completely naked, water glistening across her breasts, she slowly and very deliberately dabbed herself with a towel. V was having his turn as a deer in headlights this morning. </p>
<p>"So..." she breathed in a dangerously sultry voice <br/>"What you're saying..." each word punctuated by a calculated small step forward <br/>"Is that no one.... " only a few step away. <br/>"No person besides me" each word now bringing her face closer to his as she tossed the towel absently away. V was positively hypnotised, were he even able to look away, he wouldn't. She brought her hands down on his shoulders and slowly, with a feather light touch she ghosted them up his neck, fire burned in their wake. Eventually they reached and framed either side of his face, his adams apple bobbed still unable to make a sound.<br/>"Can put up with you?" she taunted looking thoroughly satisfied at his reaction. He tried again, starting by clearing the non-existent blockage from his throat.</p>
<p>"Ahem..." he raised his hands to grasp and caress her forearms, "Which answer means I spend the day with you?" he asked with innocent brows but hungry eyes. Both of them remained locked in the standoff. Steadily very smug smiles began to mirror one another too. At long last she closed that final distance and place a very firm but passionate kiss on his lips. She broke off after several second with each becoming more heated. Keeping barely a hairs breadth apart she murmured </p>
<p>"It's a shame the beds already down, another time then..." and she swept back redressing herself immediately as V remained statuesque in shock. </p>
<p>"I can put it back toge-" he begun, struggling to speak but was cut short</p>
<p>"Find me outside when you're all finished up in here, Still quite a lot to do and I'd happily put you to hard work...." sufficiently clothed she floated out of the tent pushing the flap open as she passed, the piercing day light clawing at V's retina's and instigating that damn stabbing pain through relic addled his head. Taking a few minutes to recuperate  he heaved himself up. Of one thing V was certain. Life with Panam in it was going to be full of feelings... All of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When V had packed to join Panam on her way out of NC he had left things to the last minute, as he usually did. That was the idea, shove it all in a box and you were ready to roll, anything that broke wasn't gonna last long anyway with him as it's care taker so not an issue. No, he was not sentimental about anything he owned... That's what he had always told himself as he went. Mostly he found himself quite right in his self assessment. Of course he had packed the obligatory duffle bag of cloths, the cases of guns, his favourites specifically, anything he could pick up standard elsewhere was abandoned. All the yoush. The three exceptions being the absolute cannon Panam gave him, which he fully intended to return somehow, he loved its meaning and significance, god he could never throw it away! But it didn't fit his style, something Panam had politely called 'Frenetic' once. Rogue had less politely, though more accurately describes it as 'Absolute Chaos'. The issue that stood was finding the time, the place, everything really.</p>
<p>The second thing he absolutely had to keep with him was Beast, V knew he had faster, and more luxurious cars, any of his Rayfields, his Ragnarr was a top contender too, it was built like a fort, there was a reason both Militech and Arasaka defaulted to a Chevillon Emperor Ragnarr. But after racing Beast all around Night City with Claire, and winning by an embarrassing margin he had found himself comfortable behind the wheel, no matter what was thrown his way. Leaving it in a garage to one day be pilfered wasnt an option either. Lucky for him it was the perfect ride for his new life. V pondered whether he really needed it though, if he was going anywhere it was always invariably on a mission with Panam, and that meant her Mackinaw, she was driving. When something more heavy duty was required it was Basilisk tank time. Truth was he had loaned it out to the Aldecaldos since they left NC. A nomad without a car though? Asking for trouble.</p>
<p>The third thing he couldn't leave behind was the dream catcher Misty had given him. She had supported him every step of the way after the heist and Jackie... She listened to his crying, his fears. She gave him all the options. The best thing Misty did though, the thing that everybody else wasn't doing for so long, was give him some hope. When he came back saying he was seein shit. Vik looked worried more than anything, that V was seeing more ghosts popping up. Johnny had mocked him for being scared. But Misty had explained it could be a sign, When V was really ready to pack it in she told him to keep going, he had a future, the dream catcher was a reminder of that. He had to keep going. It got easier to do, after meeting Panam, that fireball blasting the gonk out of him  with her steely determination to save him, she'd herself if she had to. </p>
<p>To say packing his things up had been brief was an understatement. Three minutes and he was done, then he turned to the rest of the tent and sighed, heavily. She had bamboobzled him. Still he was able to feel useful by packing this all up, and she was able to get on an do her leadership thing. V knew that in some ways their stuff was probably going to take a back seat when she was made co-leader, when she became the sole leader it was a certainty. He'd be lying if he wasn't a little bitter, secretly, very deep down, because he was greedy and wanted her all to himself. He picked up her Red Yaiba jacket she had left on the chair and smiled despite himself, he was so proud of her, she was going to be a great leader, and he was going to have to learn to share. As he went to put it to one side it unfurled, prominently displaying the Aldecaldos emblem, his jaw tightened unconciously, it wasn't that he disliked the Nomads, no by any stretch, they were all very polite, and after he officially joined they even stopped gossiping so brazenly when he walked past. He didn't know their history, he didn't really know their culture, he didn't feel like one of them. The facts of the matter were simple though; NC could burn for all he cared, and the Aldecaldos were just another way of life to him, but Panam? She was his home, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life, however long, by her side.</p>
<p>After some trial an error, and from what he could tell only damaging one bedside table, V realised the seemingly out of place bits of furniture actually either folded neatly down in to flat panels, or snapped together like a childrens toy, to make one big block. It was a breeze after that. When he moved the last bag onto his single block pop up house something small fell out and skittered along the floor. Carefully placing the bag on the pile he reached for the object, silently wishing he hadnt broken anything else, Panam was sure to not let him live it down as it was. Unfurling the piece of paper a half eaten dark chocolate bar fell into his other hand. So she liked things bittersweet? Not too bitter he hoped remembering his current predicament... Then scolded himself for a joke he knew she wouldnt appreciate. Carefully tucking it all back together and into her pack something caught he eye, a photo poked out of one half zipped pocket, he debated for a few moments whether or not to investige before concluding it'd be rude to snoop, he had enough open cans of worms, he didn't need more.</p>
<p>"You nearly done in there? We gotta take the tent down soon!" Julian called, he was soft spoken and sounded insistent, but there was no bite there. </p>
<p>"Yeah" V grunted loud enough to be heard. From what V had seen only two Aldecaldos had any bite, one was a loud blunt instrument leading them around like a needless compass, he had meant well, probably... But anybody so foolish to trust a Corp to be anything other than a leech wasn't getting more than grudging respect. He turned around a strode toward the exit, he braced and took a few breaths, preparing for the imminent pain, then he pressed forward. V stumbled a few steps and caught him self on a nearby truck, he played it off as lost footing to anybody who saw, his eyes giving him the irritating grief. After a few moments he could carry on normally again as the glitching receded. The truck was none other than Panams, when she brought it around he wasnt certain, she definitely hadnt parked it there the night before. He shrugged it off and resumed being a productive member of the clan. In a few swift movements he casually lifted the furniture up and dumped it down onto the back of  the truck. In his peripheral vision he could see Julian taking a few worried steps back, a look of distaste soured his normally jovial features. V scoffed inwardly, no bite at all. Now the other aldecaldo with bite? She was... What was she?.. His leader now, of course. But what else? Partner? Sounded like criminal conspirators, though they were sometimes that... Lover? A bit sordid. Girlfriend? Too Juvenile... and perhaps presumptuous... It occurred to him that all the crazy stuff they had gotten up to, Some activities more fun than others, he smirked to himself at the memory. She had dressed herself back up pretty sharply after the Basilisk incident, and she didn't have a single tell on her face. He'd better not play her at poker he mused appreciatively. They hadn't had that talk... Or any real kind of talk along those lines really, he knew they needed to, if for nothing else than to make sure they both knew where the other stood. Already the knotts were tangling together in his stomach.</p>
<p>Julian was disassembling the Panams tent but kept a good distance at all times, it made helping a very tedious task. Before V did anything stupid he got up, his time was better spent elsewhere, he had already blitzed through hours managing very little. Glacning about he thought if he could respect something in all the Aldecaldos, it was that they knew how to break a camp apart in seconds. Most of the other tents were coming down or packed.</p>
<p>It hadn't take him long to track Panam down, she was busy keying in new data to the weather charts, checking to make sure the route was still clear he presumed. The blue glow in her eyes indicated she would not have seen him approach, and for a cheeky minute he thought about patting her and going 'Boo!' in the lest scary way possible. He thought better of it, her instinct was probably to start swinging. As V got closer he noticed the faintly ticking muscle in her jaw. Oh yes, this was not a good time for 'Boo!'. When he was few steps away he calmly greeted<br/> "Hey, How's it going?", the blue glow faded and she seemed to readjust, focusing her eyes on him, her features softened slightly and she gave a small smile in greeting. She dropped her head to her hand and she pinched her brow. <br/>"This is giving me a migraine" she sighed. V tip toed himself closer, he wanted desperately to reach out and hug her, or sit her down and give her a shoulder massage, or... Another service, but that was definitely a more private matter. He mulled it over again, they'd cuddled under the stars with people present before but... He wasn't sure how comfortable she'd be with his physical support at that moment. She made the decision easy though, she looked up and opened her eyes, they were slightly red, but not from tears, simply eye strain, she wasnt used to this. Standing beside her, his arm snaked around her waist, and his hand gave what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze. She made no effort to move away, the corner of her mouth lifted in the smallest yet most dazzling of ways.</p>
<p>"Bad day?" he asked, giving her another light tug towards his side. </p>
<p>"No" she sighed, "Everything is going fine, it's all going as planned for a change, but..." she screwed her eyes shut again for a few moments <br/>"I hate this shit." he wasn't sure what she meant and his head cocked to the side in confusion. Clearly whatever bewildered gonk look his face was doing was a welcome as she smiled again, this time it reached her eyes. </p>
<p>"This" she indicated the map with a brisk shake of the hand<br/> "Give me a a torque wrench and broken compressor and I'll get it out and fixed in a few.... But give me more of this net runner signal tracing and I'll probably hit you with the torque wrench til you let us swap jobs"  she muttered, and V found he responded with a tender smile and rubbing careful lines up and down her side. She turned slowly til she was stood square and dropped her head softly atop V's shoulder, moving her arms around to hug him fully. In an instant he had brought his arms up too. His left arm holding her close at her hips, his right moved up to smooth circles on her back.</p>
<p>They stood in their embrace for far longer than was necessary but neither showed any interest in breaking apart. If any Aldecaldo nearby cared they were doing a much better job at hiding it than Julian. V risked the moment for another jest<br/>"Ya know this is actually good news", Panams head lifted in an overlong way, such that it was down right comical when her face was revealed as wholly indignant, her brows lifting demanding an explanation<br/>"What i mean is" he corrected "There is a silver lining to this dark cloud" he continued. She rolled her eyes, underwhelmed.</p>
<p>"Meaning?" she pressed,</p>
<p>"Meanin' many things, firstly, I am regretting opening my mouth-" he hesitated, Panam snorted but it held no scorn.</p>
<p>"Secondly, that I just so happen t' know a guy, well lady, who's got preem net skills, actually helpful techie know how,  and friendly demeanour - she'll fit right in." a completely unreadable expression darkened Panams features for a second, then it was gone, she said nothing.  And now he was headed into the light hearted joke, one he was seriously wishing he'd either lead with or just trashed from the get go.</p>
<p>"And thirdly, it's in no way good that you're gettin' headaches...." he paused, last chance to back out.</p>
<p>"But it is sorta nice to know you're not great at everything... It's a lot to live up to..." he dared a quick look up at Panams face, he hadn't realised it had found it's way to some small stone trodden in the dirt. It was a mask, completely blank, and she tilted her head slightly from side to side</p>
<p>"So my pain is making you feel better?" her voice was utterly neutral, giving nothing away.</p>
<p>"No, that is nuh, uh! Nope, That's not what I meant, that's not even-" he blurted,  only to see her lip start to quiver, but not from sadness, she was a monster hiding laughter at his expense</p>
<p>"You?!" he faltered incredulous</p>
<p>"Oh come on V, I wanted to see how far you'd dig that hole!" she howled, <br/>"If I could've kept it up you'd be on your way to Madagascar!" she continued failing to staunch her fits of giggles. V was annoyed, not because she'd got him, but because she'd won all of their duels today! Then it washed over him, she wasn't stressing, she was too busy laughing. He chalked it up to win anyway. They were stood further apart now but he was still enjoying their closeness.</p>
<p>Mitch walked over, he was her second in command of sorts, nobody questioned it, he just was. Emphatically Mitch cleared his throat "If ya done gabbin' an' makin' friendship bracelets the rest of the camp is nearly ready t' roll out" he flicked his thumb over his shoulder revealing the last few things were to be packed, even the holomap was no longer powered or connected. How long had they spent just being? They released each other at the same time, almost in one syncratic movement. Mitch moved away towards some others, signalling with his hands a message V did not understand. Panam looked back a minute and bumped her shoulder against his, </p>
<p>"You riding with me?" it was an innocuous question he knew, but to him it felt like something more</p>
<p>"Sure you wanna ride with me for the next 8 or so hours?" He felt stupid but V hoped she'd see it wasn't such an innocent question to him. She snickered </p>
<p>"Very kind of you to offer me an escape..." she grinned "But I insist, I'll even let you choose the music!" he thought the mischief in her eyes meant she knew.</p>
<p>"Your wish-" he started but she whirled back around placing her hand directly over his heart</p>
<p>"But!" she emphasized, her eye's anchored at his. "If you put on shitty songs-"</p>
<p>He interuppted her this time, leaning his head closer smiling in triumph his heart hammering</p>
<p>"Only the Good?"</p>
<p>She stilled, her face lit up, completely supernova. She curled her hand into the fabric of his shirt and pull herself forward and pressed an ethereal kiss on his smiling lips, a thousand volts shot to his brain, he could barely open his eyes when she pulled back. She tilted her head back at her truck. She released her physical hold, but V felt no less caught. She sauntered away, her hips swinging from side to side, her face beaming, and V staggering after. He was sure now. She knew.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was still heading toward its peak in the vast blue sky. Barely 10 minutes had passed after the Aldecaldos had departed to continue their journey and V was starting to worry he had over reached. He sat scrolling through lists of seemingly endless music next to Panam and he still hadn't put a thing on, the silence was for the first time between them, deafening. He had one job, play music, Only the Good. Could V recognise even a single title he saw? No.  Awkwardly he shimmied back from the screen on the dash ahead of him. He was going to need a really good reason for recognising none of it if he was to live this down. Panam would have a field day with this. Unless perhaps he had known it all... And the relic had messed with his brain and made him.... No. That was gonk. A few more agonising minutes passed and he couldnt take it anymore. <br/>"Okay! I dont know them!" he wailed, Panam remained completely unaffected, she simply glanced over for a second, one perfect brow raising in question. He cursed silently and admitted <br/>"I don't, know any of the music. I don't know what's good. I'm sorry." keeping her eye firmly fixed on the road, or the lack thereof, she responded proudly</p>
<p>"I know, the family have been building this baby up for generations!" she looked excited, this was clearly something she wanted to talk about more, but something was holding her back,</p>
<p>"A big music collection? Where'd you geddit?" V prompted, and her excitement was palpable. After a few beats she caved.</p>
<p>"Okay, so, every time we stopped at an abandoned settlement we gathered up all the old music storage devices as kids and connected them up in search of new treasure! It's kind of a tradition" she grinned "I loved treasure hunting as a kid! Though at this point finding new music, or rather new old music is really rare" she conceded. The way her face shone at telling the story, V was starting to feel disappointed he'd not grown up with them, with her. Oh. Now that was another thought, imagine if he could've-<br/>"V? You there?" she probed, slight disappointment marring he features now</p>
<p>"What? Sorry! I was..." he paused, he didn't want to admit where his mind had taken him but he didn't want her to think he hadn't listened or cared about something she so clearly held dear. The second time this trip he found himself bashful, and each time he ended up thinking the same thing, what was the point in his dumb pride anyway? Especially next to Panams happiness. <br/>"I was listenin I swear, but I don't know, it all sounded so fun, so different to my childhood I... I was thinkin 'bout what coulda been y'know? If I'd been born a Nomad, an Aldecaldo even?" he forced out the last bit even as his hubris tried to beat the words back. She was being unusually quiet, and for an extended period of time. He peeked a look over at Panam, she was chewing on her bottom lip and it was completely mesmerising.</p>
<p>"V... That would change... A lot of shit" She finished as she released her lower lip</p>
<p>"I know." he replied, his mind was split in two, one half thinking about his busted brain, that whole Arasaka heist shit-show being removed from his life. The other half of his mind utterly transfixed on her lips.</p>
<p>"No. I don't think you do" she replied a slightly husky tone to her words, a curious pink colouring her cheeks. He didnt know what she was thinking but he really wished that he could. V knew better than to press something like that, he'd have to remind himself to ask again one day, provided he got to his one day.</p>
<p>"Try something from the Jazz dash Panam folder." Panam pointed at the music dash. Internally V recoiled, he did not enjoy that Royal Blue Jazz station back in NC... On the other hand she was clearly trying to share something about herself, and learning more about Panam was perhaps his favourite thing... Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He shuffled forward on his seat a little once more, tapping on the antique touch screen til he found the folder she mentioned. Stealing another glance over at Panam he prodded the screen at random, whatever it was, it was gonna make her happy, and that was hardly a bad result.<br/>The hefty custom sound system thumped to life instantly, and the music bumped along. It was nothing like the music he remembered in NC... This was, exciting, this was fun. It made him want to get up and dance, Swinging across a hall floor, ideally with Panam... He shook his head. Damn she was really making him gonk.  As he listened on it reminded him of the old costume balls they would sometimes have for some rich rat. He even remembered some of the moves he had been forced to install in preperation,  Jenkins' words still echoed "You better not fucking embarrass me tonight street trash, if any one of the guests wants a dance, you'll fucking dance. If any of the guests want to fuck you, you'll bend the fuck over and spread those cheeks!!".</p>
<p>"You okay there, V?" Panam was repeatedly glancing over, concern tugging at her eyes, her lips pinched. He took a deep breath, reminding himself how much better off he was not being back there. Moreover how much better off everything was now, brain bomb and all. </p>
<p>"Yeah..." he paused unsure how much to share, his story wasn't a fun kids day out like hers. she pressed a button on the steering wheel and the music stopped, </p>
<p>"You sure? You look kinda pale...." she pressed. Worry smothered her face now<br/>"Is it the chip??" she blurted, panic rising</p>
<p>"No! No, No. It's..." he sighed unsure how to explain, she was quiet for a while</p>
<p>"It's okay V, you'll be okay... And don't feel like you have to talk if you're not comfortable" she gave a strained thin smile. He didn't know what he had done right in life to deserve her but damn, if Panam wasn't the best thing in his life. There was a long silence that followed, but it wasn't uncomfortable or claustrophobic... It was spacious, light, and free.</p>
<p>"I liked the music" he managed at last.  "It made me wanna dance" he smiled and she matched it. "Specifically I wanted to dance with you... But then... It reminded me of a really shitty part of my life..." he paused, looking over at Panam he regained his strength <br/>"I fuckin hated my Corpo life ya know? It was like an abusive relationship looking back... You think you deserve nothing, and you thank them for the scraps they throw your way." V fiddled with his hands, crossing and uncrossing them in his lap. Panam reached a hand over and grasped one of his, her eyes still on the road.<br/>"I don't think I realised just how bad it was til recently." he lifted her hand to his lips and he kissed it.<br/>"Thanks, Panam. For everythin"  he finished, he looked over a little sheepish, she'd said nothing but he saw her throat bob. V hoped he hadn't said too much, even with the details vague as they were. Nothing to scare her off, or freak her out.</p>
<p>"Back at ya" she choked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were quiet for a long time, eventually V released Panams hand so she could drive properly again. <br/>"You know, I think you would've gotten me in to waaay too much trouble. If you'd always been an Aldecaldo." she smiled, V looked over </p>
<p>"I'd get you in trouble? Nah, you'd be the one draggin' ME into all sorts o' drama" he asserted</p>
<p>"Oh? How you figure that?" she smirked</p>
<p>"Come on! You think scrappy teenage V could say no to someone as stunning as you? Pffft. I'd be powerless!" he affirmed,</p>
<p>"How's that different to now?" she teased</p>
<p>"Fair point" he agreed pointing her a finger gun and a self deprecating smile. "But ya do realise just won ME the argument." he goaded</p>
<p>"Ah shit." she half-heartedly grumbled. A few beats passed, and Panam shuffled on her seat, V knew that shuffle, it was the she has something to ask but doesnt know how to ask it shuffle.</p>
<p>"What is it?" he prodded</p>
<p>"What?" she feigned innocence</p>
<p>"Panam" he drew out her name almost seductively.</p>
<p>"Do I really make you... Feel insecure?" she blurted, well he wasn't expecting that.</p>
<p>"What?" he'd need clarification if he was going to touch that with a ten foot barge pole.</p>
<p>"You said earlier that I'm... Hard to live up to?" she explained incredibly stiff</p>
<p>"Ah. That. Heh. Can I be blunt?" </p>
<p>"Probably a bigger risk for you than me" she chortled, he had to agree.</p>
<p>"Panam, you are-" in that moment his holo began to ring, it was Judy, she must have gotten the message he sent when they set out, though he was suprised he had signal himself out here, <br/>"Sorry, I got a Holo, it's Judy, that netrunner? Can I patch it through? She might be your newest Nomad..." Panam just nodded amused.</p>
<p>"Hey Jude, how's things?"</p>
<p>"Hey, V. All good, saw this amazing sunrise this morning, reminded me of that morning at the cabin!" Panam stiffened slightly in her seat and V smiled inwardly, he knew how it sounded but she couldn't be further from the truth.</p>
<p>"Yeah? Tune any good BDs"</p>
<p>"Eh, a few, go a preem new one from this cool spot I went diving a few days back, which is good, makes that horrible rash the water gave me worth it.</p>
<p>"Oh gross"</p>
<p>"Psshh. Anyway, what's up wit'chu? Your message gave the impression you wanted to talk biz, which is kinda weird now you're headin' south with the Aldecaldos..." she left very little room to beat around the bush on this one.</p>
<p>"Uh, Yeah, on the road now-"</p>
<p>"Ah shit! Is she right there? Did you tell her yet? Or you in ya own wheels? Seriously how is that all going?"</p>
<p>"She's even chattier than you" Panam muttered, </p>
<p>"Is that her? Chooooom! You could'a told me this was a public call, Not cool man- I mean Hi Panam! V has told me alllll about you!"</p>
<p>"He has?" Panam perked up,</p>
<p>"I have?" V inquired</p>
<p>"Nah, not really, but I was givin the gonk a chance to get some Choombatta points, but whatever I guess." Panam deflated, and at this point V now regretted his decision earlier, he could feel himself closing up</p>
<p>"Anywaaay...?" Judy prompted</p>
<p>"Right. Panam wants you in the Aldecaldos." he stated matter of factly</p>
<p>"WHaT?!" Panam swatted his arm</p>
<p>"Doesn't sound like she does Choom..." Judy disagreed</p>
<p>"I recommended you, think it'd be a good fit." V addded</p>
<p>"What's with you? Normally I can't get you to shut up and now you struggle to tie more than 8 word together?!" Panam interrogated, V just shrugged</p>
<p>"This Choomba? Sure you talkin 'bout V? He barely says a peep, good listener though. Sure we got the same V?" Judy joked, Panam rolled her eyes at V, she was not pleased, he was going to have to make this up to her.</p>
<p>"Yeah, uh, Hi, Panam here" She was trying to be polite but her frustration was woven thorugh her tone somewhat</p>
<p>"Sup." Judy seemed unfazed. </p>
<p>"Heh, Hi, so we could really do with a Netrunner for-" Panam fumbled</p>
<p>"Ah, that's rough, honestly I'm kinda more of a BD tuner by trade. Netrunnin- ehhhh"<br/>Panam glared one more time at V and very clearly shouted with her eyes DO SOMETHING. </p>
<p>"I'll send you the detes, Jude" V contributed</p>
<p>"Uhh... Sure thing Choom... Was nice meeting you, Panam?" Judy hesitated</p>
<p>"Yeah, you too!" Panam replied,</p>
<p>"Later Jude" V ended the call.</p>
<p>It was silent in the car for an several excruciating seconds.<br/>"So... What d'ya think?" V dithered, Panam was furious, the way she stretched her jaw  before she blasted</p>
<p>"What do I think?! What do I- What the FUCK V?!?!"</p>
<p>"What?" he knew what but he really didnt know what to say.</p>
<p>"Uh how about, we start with what the FUCK WAS THAT?! and we finish with you gonna make a habit of shoving under a truck or???" She was flickering betweed outrage and complete perplexity.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry"</p>
<p>"You're- You-... You gonna fuckin explain that?" she was calming down... Slightly.</p>
<p>"I...." V knew it was going to sound gonk, but at this point he had dug his grave and if he wasn't honest now he might as jump in. He twisted in his seat trying to find the right words, and to his astonishment, Panam just quietly waited. Her forehead was furrowed harshly, she wanted and answer and she was going to get one, even if it meant staring ahead until V caved. They both knew he'd cave first too.</p>
<p>"Alright, I... It's gonna soung gonk-" </p>
<p>"More gonk that what just happened?!" she sniped</p>
<p>"Fair... Um... I don't really like talkin."</p>
<p>"Well you've had me fooled!" she looked hurt now</p>
<p>"Naw, naw! Not... I mean it's different with you, ya know? Like I don't gotta worry about what I say?  Ya know? I don't worry about any of that shit. It's just easy. And... I do like talkin to you. I love talkin to you." He hoped she believed him, he had no other truth to give her.<br/>She remained silent for several minutes. At long last she Sighed in resignation.</p>
<p>"Fine... I can respect that. But it was still a shitty thing to drop on me." V did feel horrible, more so that she had so easily accepted it. Maybe he should have just spoken up more. Or just done the whole thing differently. Ha, being given a do over, if he had an enny for every time he'd wanted one of those. </p>
<p>"You're too good to me ya know?" he really meant it,</p>
<p>"Yeah... Well... Whatever. Just put some music on." She was still understandably mad, and her temper wasn't going to cool for a while yet, he knew he was already lucky to still be in the cab and not out the door, skidding along the dirt to a painful halt. He searched for more files marked Panam and found one labelled chill. He hoped it wasn't too on the nose, that she'd see it how he meant it, he just wanted something she could relax to. If it bothered her she didn't show it.</p>
<p>An hour later V had plucked up the courage to test the waters, he needed to know when he could think about trying to make it up to her.<br/>"Is it always this quiet?" he pondered, not entirely expecting a response, but sincerely hoping he'd get one. He hadn't stop watching her since the fight, he'd just been subtle about it the last hour. She pursed her lips, clearly deciding her mood. Fortunately she was feeling merciful.</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" she asked, not a hint of venom, simple curiosity</p>
<p>"Like the last few days, on the road or waiting in camp.... It's just so quiet. No daily gun fights, no screamin' and yellin' all hours o' the day. Mornin's filled with simple repairs, and afternoons spent findin' your own amusement.... Is it always like this?" In truth V really was struggling to comprehend that life this uncomplicated could exist. His whole life had taught him daily struggle, a fight for survival, respite only found at the bottom of a bottle. She was studying him out the corner of her eye, though he knew she pretended she wasn't.</p>
<p>"Well, sometimes things get pretty gnarly. Remember our fun with the Raffen Shiv?" an almost imperceptible smile was taking root on her face. V inwardly heaved a deep sigh of relief.</p>
<p>"Could never forget" he turned to face her with an abashed small smile, he knew she caught it, her shoulders slumped slightly in reply, something held tight in her frame had been released.</p>
<p>"I guess whenever stuff like that isn't going on then, yeah? I dunno. Some times are more trying than others." she contemplated.</p>
<p>The convoy pulled over for it's rest stop for the night, just up over a ridge and tucked out of sight from the worn fractured asphalt of the neglected highway they'd ended up on. The sun was waning, sinking closer to the horizon, in it's final dying hour. The sky was splashed a spectacular red, with vibrant pinks and purples braced against the encroaching navy and inky black. Panam pulled the Mackinaw to a halt just a little further from the rest of the clan, tucked around a corner, she said she had wanted to watched the sun set. V, despite his appearance sometimes, wasn't completely gonk, when she informed him of her plan she had left it an open invitation to join her. He snatched up a blanket from the back seat and giddily rushed to join her. He really thought he had blown it earlier, he couldn't understand how he hadn't. A light airy feeling tugged at his chest again, they'd be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If anybody is curious the music playing from the jazz folder in my head was</p>
<p>Sound Nomaden - Beautiful Music</p>
<p>No, the name was not a coincidence :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V tried his hardest to and play it cool as he sidled up to Panam, she was stood with her back to him, staring off into the distance, if he hadn't known better he would think she was some mirage or hallucination. Shuffling to a stop by her side, his eyes unable to leave her face as soon as they'd found it. He bumped her shoulder with his own and waited. When her eyes drifted over to meet his, he shook the blanket lightly,<br/>"Wanna sit?" he offered, she nodded a fond warmth in her eyes. V bobbed his head and turned, holding a corner in each hand he flicked it away, a blue sail fluttering from the sudden motion slowly floated down to the ground, he knelt and crawled about fussing over pushing the corners back neatly, once satisfied he turned, and offered Panam his hand. She reached out to take it and knelt with him. She carefully pushed him down to rest on his back. They were both still, frozen in time for a brief moment. V simply marvelled he wasn't dreaming. Unless he really had died way back when Dex had shot him and this was his afterlife, surely some kind of jackpot heaven mix up shenannigan, not that he'd complain. Panam moved closer and grabbed his arm, she wrapped it over her shoulders as she tucked herself up against his side. Watching the sky above drain of it's colour, V found himself searching idly for his favourite star, it was up there somewhere. </p>
<p>"Enny for your thoughts?" Panam ventured, and not a force in the world could stop the grin V now wore.</p>
<p>"You stealin' my thing?" he investigated, Panam shrugged against him,</p>
<p>"Ha, alright. I was looking for our star" he replied simply,</p>
<p>"We have a star?" she frowned, </p>
<p>"Ursa Major!" he chirped happily, all too engrossed in his quest. She fidgeted next to him, then placed a soft kiss on his cheek. She remained where she was, slightly above him, her face pensive. The stars forgotten he shifted his head slightly to meet her gaze. </p>
<p>"You're such a gonk" she determined with a small smile.</p>
<p>"After today? I'm not going to argue that point" he confirmed, and she snorted. They both lay enjoying each others comfort for a long while. The suns setting light show completely finished, replaced now by the Milkyway, it's silver light stretched across the sky. As time passed he remembered something,</p>
<p>"So, I got a question." V started </p>
<p>"Is it any good?" Panam quipped,</p>
<p>"How long were you gonna wait for me to fess up to not knowin' any of that music back in the truck" It had been bothering him during their chill music hour, but he knew it wasn't the time. She let out a dirty laugh,</p>
<p>"Oh, I had been ready to go the whole journey with you squirming, it'd keep me entertained for hours."</p>
<p>"Aw, that's not right!" he jokingly moaned</p>
<p>"I'm serious, V" she said in the most casual tone. "I could hear the cogs in your head grinding together louder than the engine!" V just shook his head at her antics.</p>
<p>"What? Not defending yourself at all now? Where's the fun in that?" she taunted</p>
<p>"Mmm" He grunted "I need to finish getting out of the hole I'm in before I start digging another" he murmered. Panam sighed and reached up to lace her fingers with the hand held around her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Can I ask a question now?" Panam shuffled agaisnt him.</p>
<p>"Is it any good?" he chuckled all too pleased with himself, Panam groaned and returned to fidgeting,</p>
<p>"Panam...?" He reminded, and she rolled her eyes, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips.</p>
<p>"V?... Why don't you wear your Aldecaldo jacket?" V stiffened awkwardly, these waters were treacherous and he was already on thin ice. In truth though, he had been expecting this question sooner or later.</p>
<p>"I have two answers to that...." he broke off, hesitant to continue, but she was looking straight at him with a gaze more piercing than any relic glitch.</p>
<p>"I got one we can laugh about, n' one that might leave me stranded in the Nevada desert, take ya pick" V tried to relax but it wasn't working. Panam not missing a beat replied</p>
<p>"Both, in that order."</p>
<p>"Right." he strained </p>
<p>"It only covers my arms... The least important on my life or death extremities list is the ONE thing they actually protect!" V bemoaned. </p>
<p>"It's too revealing?" she clarified, a hint of amusement</p>
<p>"Mmhmm! My goods are for your oglin' not the the guy I'm fightin" he jokingly admonished, Panam puffed a few breaths.</p>
<p>"You know, you can wear a shirt underneath, that's allowed" she ridiculed, but V ignored it</p>
<p>"Plus my whole thing is being good in a fight, and not dyin'" V added, but bit back a gag about the wild inaccuracy of that statement, he was terrible at not dying, he was just good at not staying dead. They were silent for a few moments, the muffled sounds of the camp a short distance away floated over the small mounds, laughter and the plucking of a guitar soft in the night's tranquility.</p>
<p>"You don't want it..." she whispered a faint sting of rejection audible, and a slight rigidity to her frame</p>
<p>"Could I put a patch on my Militech body armour?" he countered, she seemed to relax a little.</p>
<p>"A jackets always been the tradition" she muttered thoughtfully</p>
<p>"You're the boss now, ain't you the one decidin'?" he reminded, and he couldn't keep the pride out of his voice. She started giggling</p>
<p>"You're always going to be a pain in my ass over stuff like this aren't you?" jovial, any tension left in her body melted away. They both pulled closer, as much hugging as star gazing. <br/>"So.... What's the other reason" her voice was relaxed as she turned her head to look at him. Her face was soft, moonlight shimmering in her eyes, and V's breath caught in his throat. It was so much like that moment back outside NC, only now it was altogether more intimate, it was just them. Her leg was twisted together in his, a wandering hand drawing shapes on his chest. V had never been so glad he was dressed lightly, each point of contact one of soothing warmth. He hummed in serene contentment. Her eyes hadn't left him and he knew she was waiting for an answer. He couldn't put it off anymore, much as he wished he could.</p>
<p>"I, uh...." his tongue felt heavy, and his adams apple wobbled. </p>
<p>"I'm not really an Aldecaldo am I?" he mumbled. Panam didn't flinch but she dragged her hand away from his chest and cupped his face, turning his head to look at her squarely.</p>
<p>"Yes. You are" her voice unyielding,</p>
<p>"I 'ppreciate that, Panam... But I'm not one of 'em"</p>
<p>"Us..." she corrected with a wince, <br/>"They're my family, V." she continued, her voice thick with warning, and   V noted she hadn't claimed them as his family too this time.</p>
<p>"I know.... It's... You gotta see the looks too. A lot of 'em blame me for the split... and the losses.... And they're right to." V concluded, relieved when Panam didn't leave. Her thumb brushed his cheek, a bewitching power in each stroke. She visibly ruminated for a few minutes before she responed, her voice careful</p>
<p>"We both know that for the clan... For Saul... Mikoshi wasn't just about you." V wondered if she was including herself in 'the clan' and he couldn't decide if he wanted her to or not. They really hadn't talked about any of it in any depth, until then.<br/>"It's not your fault, V. We all agreed to go, we knew the risks, we knew the rewar-" she broke off mid sentence. Mikoshi hadn't been the cure they had thought. V still wondered if Alt had always known, if she had simply lied to get him there so he could get her access to all those engrams... Those people. Each one now presumably gobbled up by whatever Alt had become. He also wondered if she had wanted Johnny to keep his body? It was very convenient that she could make him an engram, she sould split his conciousness from Johnny, she could put his engram back in his own body. She could do all that, yet she could only put Johnny's engram safely back in his head. V knew he didnt really understand the science behind it all, but it still felt off to him.</p>
<p>"I'll do anythin the Aldecaldos need me to do, Panam. I'll fight, I'll try n learn some useful tech skills, whatever is needed. I just mean... If the Aldecaldos go left, and you go right? 'S not a choice, Panam. I'm followin' you." She studied his face for a while, anxious to know her response he couldnt help but enjoy the way her eyes narrowed and her brows twitched, the busy thoughts using her face as a marionette. Her answer did come though, she shifted and pressed him into a deep kiss, their tongues danced as the world around them fell away. While fierce, it wasn't a sexually charged frenzy pushing against one another, instead it was an inferno of emotion, each pouring their strength into the other. </p>
<p>When the kisses slowed and they settled back into each others arms, their gaze returning to the skies, V found his arm shot up, and pointed excitedly,<br/>"There!" He beamed "Ursa Major!!" and he glanced back to Panam, she wasn't looking where he gestured at all, she was smiling at him with a look he'd not seen before, a brilliant warmth, light and untroubled. He had never seen her look so carefree, and he found himself mirroring it, his not-soul tried to float up and escape from his chest once more. </p>
<p>It was getting late, and they needed rest for the drive ahead the following day. <br/>"I need some shut eye" Panam yawned, as she stretched and sat up. V followed suit,</p>
<p>"Where we sleepin?"</p>
<p>"Who said we?" she deadpanned</p>
<p>"Oh." he slumped</p>
<p>"Fuck V, sometimes you're too easy!" she laughed, and lightly shoved his shoulder<br/>"Come on" she got up and started walking back to her truck. V got up and gathered the blanket, folding it as he persued. Panam stopped at the drivers side and opened the door, she reached in and flicked a few switches, a low electric hum began and the front seats seemed to start moving. Curiosity had V shuffling closer to get a better look.</p>
<p>"Wha's it doin'?" he questioned as the back rests lifted and moved, the seats themselves seemed to slowly lower.</p>
<p>"Pretty proud of this one" she announced, her hands on her hips, "I fixed my baby up so that a few switches would give me a comfy bed, even on the road" sure enough the chairs were shifting to create a larger flat space at the back of the cab. V considered for a moment, it still wasn't a very wide area, slightly smaller than the camp bed, which itself was very cosy when they shared it. They needed to get a bigger bed, V thought.<br/>"What do you think?" she beamed</p>
<p>"I've never seen anythin' like it, Panam! Ev'ryone have this?" he hitched his thumb in the general direction of the camp.</p>
<p>"Nope." satisfaction dominated her very being. </p>
<p>"...'S gonna be a big snug..." he hesitated</p>
<p>"You can sleep outside if you'd rather" she jibed. The last few motors were whirring and clicking things into place.<br/>"Besides, I didn't think I'd ever share it" she added non-chalantly, though the subtle sad undercurrent wasn't lost on V.</p>
<p>"One last gonk question of the day, so I got none left for tomorrow?" V asked, Panam smirked but nodded.</p>
<p>"Were you 'n Nash... You ever...?"</p>
<p>"Ever what, V?" she was smug, and determined not to make it easy,</p>
<p>"You know, an item" V grimaced</p>
<p>"Why? You jealous?" she teased thoroughly enjoying herself</p>
<p>"Of a gonk who messed shit up with you n' ended up dead? Naw, not really" he scoffed</p>
<p>"To be clear, we were never 'an item'" she mocked as she mimicked V's voice</p>
<p>"Sure 'bout that... Rogue suggested otherwise" he cautiously pressed, she met it with a frustrated growl</p>
<p>"Fuckin' Rogue, should mind her own business" she griped</p>
<p>"So?..."</p>
<p>"Still no, not together, but I might've wanted to once, okay?" she pouted and blushed, when she crossed her arms, V thought it was the most adorable she had ever looked</p>
<p>"Well, that certainly clears a few things up. Wasn't just 'bout the truck..." V mumbled, he kept to himself that he thought it explained the insecurity too, the wound was fresh when they met.</p>
<p>"No." she shook her head</p>
<p>"So this why you didn't really wanna work with me when we met" V grinned, </p>
<p>"No, it's cause you asked a lot of gonk questions." she quipped, "Still do!" she added without any real malice</p>
<p>"Huh" he knew better, for all her protests he knew she enjoyed his quizzical nature as much as he enjoyed listening to her answer. Panam clambered up and took off her boots, she grabbed her jacket from the back seat and started balling it up for a makeshift pillow.<br/>V happily watched her going about her business and waited for his chance to get in. His thoughts turned to the apology he'd wanted to make all evening, actions always spoke louder than words he'd thought, a small smile sprouted on his face, he knew exactly the apology he wanted to make. Unlike the night before, Panam started to shimmy off her jeans too. Good. V thought, that'd make things easier.</p>
<p>As Panam turned and crawled further back, her barely covered rear swaying enticingly, V's small smile converted to a very lascivious smirk. He hopped in the cab and closed the door behind himself. Panam was not particularly paying attention as she fumbled to get comfortable. V kicked off his boots, removing his shirt and jeans, then leaning from one side of the truck to the other he dramatically locked the doors as he gave Panam a very pointed look, the coy smile she returned only served to fan the flames that were building. </p>
<p>"Panam" he drew out, his voice low and husky,</p>
<p>"What?" she replied in her sinfully sultry way.</p>
<p>"I believe still I owe you 'n apology..." he let the sentence hang as he prowled toward her, a predatory look in his eyes. </p>
<p>"Oh? Is that so?" she breathed her eyebrow raised in challenge. </p>
<p>"Mmmm" V growled against her skin as he began kissing and nipping at her neck, she rolled her head to the side allowing easier access, </p>
<p>"And what's the apology?" she cooed. He stopped and moved his face to hover inches from hers, his eyes pierced with laser focus, a playful smirk toying at his lips. V closed the distance and pressed heated open mouth kisses against her lips, she reciprocated in kind. He smoothed his hands slowly up her arms til they reached the sturdy straps hold her top up, peeling them down with deliberate yet delicate motions. Panam assisted his efforts and withdrew her arms from their sleeves, then she put them to work sliding one arm up his chest and wrapping it around his neck, fingers toying with the hair at the base of his head. The other arm looped down under the hem of his boxers to grab his rear, she pulled him closer. V broke off his kiss as he peeled her top down her body milimetres at a time allowing himself to lick and nip his way down her front. Panam released him as he went, she didn't need words to explain his intentions, her arms splayed out to her sides, bending to fit as they reached the walls of the vehicle. V finished pulling her top down and slid it down over her legs, discarding it without thought behind him, he looked up, Panam completely naked before him a thick red colouring her cheeks, a mixture of lust and something else. She seemed to squirm slightly under his glare, he realised perhaps even somebody as heart stopping as Panam might feel self concious, exposed as she was. A salacious grin spread across his face as he leaned forward.</p>
<p>"You're stunning" he kissed low on her thigh, <br/>"You're gorgeous" he kissed slightly higher,<br/>"You're beautiful" he kissed higher again,<br/>"You're breathtaking" another kiss<br/>"You're inspiring" he was almost out of thigh, if not words. V looked up one final time to level her with a look of firm conviction, he held her eyes. <br/>"You're everything" he declared, before he dipped his head between her legs, his arms looping around her thighs to lift her and give him best access. His tongue started drawing a slow line up her slit, she bucked slightly at the first contact. V repeated his action a few times testing the action. Moving up slightly he swirled around her clit, ejoying the way she moaned as he began on the particularly sensitive spot. He sucked and nipped gentley as she started to twitch slightly. Speeding up and pressing  more insistently against her with his mouth he found his efforts succesful, her breaths were growing shorter, her thighs were starting to squash his head, and her hands seemed to scrabble and claw at the cab, unable to find purchase. Knowing he she was getting close, he caressed his hands up her abdomen, offering them to her. She grabbed them moments before she lost control. Her whole body tensed and rocked, her hands a vice on his, her thighs clamped so hard against V's head he would have been unable to move even if he'd wanted. Sensual cries called out. He lapped and supped at her as she rode her orgasm out.</p>
<p>Her control and conciousness returning to her, V slowly rose and moved to lie on one side looking down at her, triumphant. Panam turned to face him and propped herself up, a languid but utterly satisfied expression on her face. Unable to stop himself, V darted forward and placed a quick kiss on her lips, lips that wore a broad smile when he retreated,<br/>"V, If that's how you plan to apologise every time..." she broke off and stretched a little "I'm glad you're such a gonk" she teased. V could only manage to return a smug glow.<br/>"Now that we're all made up..." she drawled as she traced a finger up his sternum, moving perspiration as it went, <br/>"Maybe we can both-" she flicked her eyes down to his prominent erection. "We can both-" she was interrupted by a banging on the blacked out window, </p>
<p>"KEEP IT DOWN WOULD YA? SOME OF US ARE TRYIN' TO SLEEP" Mitch yelled, his anger genuine. V dissolved into fits of full bodied laughter and Panam buried her face in her hands utterly mortified. When V found himself starting to calm down, no longer rolling with embarrassed humour he looked and saw Panam hugging her legs, her face hiding behind them. V scooted over and put an arm around her shoulder, the other on her forearm, and rubbed soothing caresses with both.</p>
<p>"Hey, Panam, what's wrong" he tried, her head popped up, her whole face bright red the with most bewildered look, her angry response died before it even made itself heard as she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, then looked away.</p>
<p>"Do you think they all heard?" she finally wailed. V suspected the answer was probably yes if Mitch had come over to complain, he knew that was not helpful so remained silent, he just maintained contact and softly stroked. </p>
<p>"It'll be forgotten by mornin', bet this stuff happens all the time" he chuckled, her head snapped to face him</p>
<p>"No. It doesnt." she grit out</p>
<p>"Oh" he hadnt meant to verbalise his repsonse.</p>
<p>"Normally" she emphasised, "People go off on private little excursions" she chided</p>
<p>"Oh." he accidentally answered again. Panam dropped her head forward and groaned in frustration.</p>
<p>"Hey, Hey, Hey" He soothed as he practically picked her up and moved her around to between his legs, her back to him,</p>
<p>"Hey, Whoa! What are-" her protest died as V wrapped his arms around waist, and pulled her into the cradle of his body. He dropped a small series of kisses to her shoulder, he felt her heart rate begin to steady. She grabbed his hands and wrapped them tighter around herself, tangled with her own.<br/>He propped his head on her shoulder, a dopey smile worked its way across his face.</p>
<p>"There is a silver lining to this!" he announced</p>
<p>"V." Panam warned</p>
<p>"I have something to apologise for again..."</p>
<p>"Fuck, V!" she swatted his leg but laughed despite herself. <br/>After a few more comforting minutes he moved to lie the both of them down, sleep washed over them both easily.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that was my first attempt at NSFW, hope it didnt suck too much haha!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For V the world came back in to focus at the insistent shaking of his shoulder, he blinked bleary eyes and searched for the source of his disturbance. His eyes landed on Panam, sat next to him a nervous smile on her face.</p><p>"G'mornin'" he burbled, he rubbed his face in an effort to wake up faster. She didn't reply, instead she worried her lip thoroughly between her teeth. If V hadn't seen the anxiety in her eyes he might have made a cheeky joke.</p><p>"'Wha's up?" V queried as he picked up her hand and pressed a quick kiss to it.</p><p>"I'm not..." she broke off, and growled in frustration "I don't wanna go face..." she balled her other hand in to a fist.</p><p>"Will you get dressed already? We're missing breakfast!" she snipped. In one swift movement she extricated her hand and scooted to the front of the van. V wasn't exactly certain but he was pretty sure her irritation wasn't aimed at him, he was just catching the 'stray venom' as she had once put it. He also knew he was missing his shitty apartment, he felt grimy, and longed for a shower, days of these hobo baths had done nothing for his odour or appearance. He glanced at her back, he didn't know how Panam managed to keep those things in order, she seemed capable of walking through a tar pit and coming out cleaner. He shuffled forward and began dressing, he pulled on his jeans first. They were still coarse and new, not yet worn to that soft comfort Panam's were. He missed his silk lined suits, his fleece lined combat clothes, and his high top trainers. He knew it was going to be quite the adjustment joining the Nomads, and he was still internally struggling with the culture shock. He tugged his shirt over his head and wondered how long it'd be before somebody stole his Guinevere out the parking garage, if it hadn't already. His boots were last to go on, and he held them fondly, his combat boots, one of the few luxurious articles of clothing he had kept; one of the few with a purpose that'd make lugging them up and down state lines worth the effort. He paused and looked over at Panam, both hands balled up and white knuckled in her lap. His hand stretched out and placed itself firmly on her thigh, his thumb softly swiping back and forth.</p><p>"It'll be alright, Panam." her hands relaxed  and her shoulders eased almost imperceptably, her nervous eyes met his, </p><p>"I promise" he added in earnest, and V hoped that it would be. She managed a thin smile, before she turned and opened the door, the blacked out windows no longer protecting against the mornings harsh light. V recoiled as the glitching started, and his faced scrunched reactively.</p><p>"V?! Hey V, you okay?" Panam called, concern obvious. Hands promptly framed his face, he struggled several times to open his eyes but the stabbing kept forcing them shut. </p><p>"V? Talk to me" her voice wavered slightly, and the hands gripped tighter. Finally managing to open his eyes and keep them open he was met with Panam back in the cab and raking her eyes up and down his face, her hands twisting his head slightly from side to side under her survey. </p><p>"'M fine" he strained, an easy smile formed on his lips. He lifted his hands to hold her wrists. She stopped searching after a few beats and breathed a sigh of relief. Panam schooled her face into a blank mask as she withdrew her hands and backed away out of the truck. She stood at the door, her magnetism pulled him after her as he shoved his boots on.</p><p>"Is it getting worse?" she aimed for non-chalant, she missed. V thought it interesting she could conceal her emotions so well if she kept her mouth shut, she appeared stoic in that moment, nothing could bother her. She could so easily maintain an air of cold authority if she had wanted, a complete juxtaposition of what she was, a fiery rebel.</p><p>"Nah, seems the same. But bright lights seem to aggravate it, 'specially in the morning" he informed. She thought it over for a few moments before concluding</p><p>"Good you're away from Night City then, it's all gaudy bright lights, and shitty heist plans" a dim smile on her face. He knew she was trying to lift the mood but whenever it was mentioned out loud it all felt too real, a reminder that he was a guy with a very real impending doom. He felt better when he forgot.<br/>Like a shattering window the moment was interrupted by a sharp wolf whistle, Panams face fell into a grimace, </p><p>"Keep it in your pants Pan, some of us are tryin' to eat!" somebody bellowed, a frustrated snarl escaped her mouth as she turned in the direction of her antagonist. Three Aldecaldos were perched on a few boulders. V stepped forward and peered over her shoulder.</p><p>"LUCILLE! You perhaps wanna mind your own business? 'cause it looks like you have enough on your plate!" Panam snapped as she used each hand to point at both men sat either side of the woman. The two man both snapped to look at one another, then the woman before they all erupted in bickering. </p><p>"You jus' drag that lady's private life out in the open t' spite her?" V laughed, half impressed, half awkwardly aroused. </p><p>"Lucille's no Lady." Panam scoffed, as she turned back to face him, deliberately taking a step back when she realised his physical closeness. <br/>"Plus she was tring to do the same to mine" she defended slightly too sharply. V had to admit, if it was anything like that trying to get breakfast she was not going to have a good day.<br/>"Let's go grab a bite" she huffed.</p><p>"Good shout, haven't eaten since last night....." a shit-eating grin on full display, Panam looked back, visibly torn between reproach and mirth. </p><p>"You're such a gonk" she decided and playfully shoved him as she turned and set off to the canteen truck. V dutifully followed but, for once, kept his eyes not on her very fine rear, but on the important business of glowering at everyone who looked their way. Maybe he could use their misplaced distrust for some good.</p><p> </p><p>Breakfast passed remarkably unimpeded and V reasoned it was down to the death stare he sent out every time Panam wasn't looking. He hoped it was that they all had more respect for Panam and her private life, but he wouldn't bet an eddy on it. He still saw a few cupped hands and scandalised gossiping, his implants revealing the nature and it was indeed all about Panam. </p><p>'She sure is loud' one tittered,</p><p>'I guess we know why she keeps him around now' another snickered,</p><p>'Good for her' one approved, Phil, if V remembered correctly.</p><p>But the most offensive yet curious was the one who uttered 'I guess she's finally over  Martin, thought she'd rusted shut'<br/>If it hadn't been for the scene it would have caused V was ready to launch himself across the table and rip them out of their car. Panam would likely not approve. V supposed, knowing her temper, that if she heard any of it she would have blitzed them herself, audience be damned. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn't much later that the clan was back on the road again, today though Panam was not designated convoy lead. It had come as something of a suprise when Panam had driven in to formation, second in the line, pressed a few buttons then released the wheel. She had explained that over long distance journeys usually only one person was driving, terrain permitting, everyone else would go about their tasks as best they could. Some would be repairing old damaged parts ready for reuse or sale, others mending clothes, sewing and patching as necessary. V looked down at his lap, he didnt have anything useful to be doing, whereas Panam seemed quite content buffing and sanding rust off an old CHOOH2 injector. The landscape crawled by, barely changing and barren. But it was all new to V, he'd never left city limits, he'd never really explored the world. </p><p>An hour later V discovered that the same bland landscape did in fact get dull, you could only observe so many rocks and cacti at the side of the road, before they all started to look the same. The monotony began making him question whether they were in fact moving forward and not stuck on a very large circuit, only the consistent location of the sun kept that thought in check. He looked over at Panam who was by now holding a very shiny CHOOH2 injector, almost new were it not for the discoloured clear plastic component. </p><p>"'M bored" he whinged, Panam rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored him.</p><p>"I am bored, bored, bored" he complained again. Panam sighed in resignation and set the part down. She turned slowly her face thoroughly unimpressed.</p><p>"What's your point?" she groaned, not looking particularly interested in an answer.</p><p>"That 'm bored." he fussed, he was determined not to reveal his plan too quickly.</p><p>"And? What do you want me to do about it?" she chastised</p><p>"Got 'n idea!" he waggled his eye brows, and Panam swatted his shoulder smirking, </p><p>"Okay, I walked into that one" she conceded, "But seriously, V, what do you want?" she gave an easy smile. He had been thinking about the night before, their talk under the stars. The Aldecaldos were her family, her culture, it occured to him he knew very little about either, half was most likely city propaganda too. He knew he owed it to Panam to try and remedy that.</p><p>"I want you to teach me about the Aldecaldos." his voice was completely calm, but his mind was eager to see Panams reaction. She just blinked for a few moments, her face blank. It wasnt the reaction he has hoped for. The seconds dragged on and she remained frozen. V raised a finger up and prodded her lightly in the shoulder </p><p>"Did I break ya'?" he hesitated. A slow smile started to spread across Panam's face, an inscrutable glint in her eyes.</p><p>"Where do you wanna start?" she finally quizzed</p><p>"You tell me" he shrugged, and she nodded an expression of acknowledgement, he had a point.</p><p>"How about the Nomad Code?" she pondered, a thoughtful countenance. "First rule, Protect your family and clan, in that order" she recited easily.</p><p>"Pshh, easy! You come first. Next!" he interjected, he hadn't quite realised what he had so bluntly said til it was already out there. The almost startled look Panam was giving him only served to make him wish to somehow take the words and stuff them back down. It wasn't wrong though, Panam was his family now, and the others his clan. He felt a fierce blush creeping up his neck. Daring to look back at Panam he found she was also a little pink. She cleared her throat breaking the silence</p><p>"Second rule, do not steal from anyone in your clan" she quoted,</p><p>"'S not h-" before V could finish the whole truck lurched as though the brakes were being applied heavily, both of them reached out instinctively to brace on the dash. The sqealing and screeching continued for a few seconds as the convoy came to a halt. They both looked to each other, V in question of what was going on, Panam's concern an answer that it wasn't good. She fumbled with the glove box for a minute before withdrawing a DR5 Nova, just before she got out the truck she turned back </p><p>"Be ready for anything, I don't like this" she was opening the door when she added a muffled "Be careful, V" and she darted out. V shifted for a second or two contemplating his course of action. All his guns were locked in a crate buried somewhere on the back of the truck. His body armour was closer but took time to put on. He threw caution to the wind simply jumping out unarmed and bounding in the direction Panam had gone.</p><p>"What's going on?!" Panam yelled to Phil, who had been convoy lead, the wind whipped and whistled by, ripping the words and carrying them away as soon as they left her mouth. The small crevice they were in was acting as a windtunnel, amplifying its strength. Dust was being kicked up and lowered visibility, but V knew an ambush when he saw one. He was making his way toward her when something dropped onto the floor just ahead of him.</p><p>"GRENADE!!" he shouted and triggered his Sandevistan implant. Immediately he rushed to his left, chasing the explosives trajectory, he charged his legs as he ran, releasing them to scale the 10 metre cliff in a single bound, a Raffen Shiv ducked behind a boulder was ever so slowly turning toward him, his Copperhead raised. V leapt forward and grabbed the top of the barrel in one hand twisting it away, his other arm rocketing toward the assailants face. When the hit connected the bones beneath his had shattered as though brittle glass, devolving into a bloody mash. The strike sent the victims whole body swaying from the velocity. The Sandevistan effects ended and the body slammed to the floor.  Gunfire erupted to his right, muzzle flashes signalled the location of another two enemies. V lifted his newly acquired gun and shot back, most bullets finding their mark and dropping them both.</p><p>Vehicles could seemingly be heard tearing away in several directions and V couldn't place a source. A small explosion sounded down in the gully where he had last seen Panam, jerking him from his investigation. Without thought he bolted ahead, dropping down and dashing toward the billowing fire, some kind of incediary device. V began frantically searching, stomping and stamping as he charged. A hand caught his arm and yanked him down in front of the lead car. It was Panam. V dropped his gun and began patting her down, searching for injury but she waved him away.</p><p>"I think they've fled" Phil informed his head bobbing up and down trying to survey what he could.</p><p>"Don't count on it" Panam argued, unwilling to let down her guard, "Go check on the others, and keep your head down!" she commanded, Phil nodded and scuttled off, head low as instructed. Panam pointed at the burned out Makigai MaiMai that was blocking the road, V nodded, the order understood. V moved toward the wreck, watchful for mines or any other threat. He braced his arms against the middle of the frame and shuffled his feet to get his feet gripped and ready. Using the charge of his legs and inhuman strength he pushed the MaiMai in one quick shove. Enough space made for the convoy to get past he turned to slink back. Several Aldecaldos were gathered around Panam as she explained the course of action, they were getting back in their vehicles and moving out, Fast. The Raffen Shiv were probably regrouping at that very moment and had likely only been suprised by the initial staunch retaliation. Everyone nodded their assent and jogged back to their vehicles. Some gave wary looks at V, the same few who had been staring at him when he turned to face them having pushed the car.</p><p>"We gotta go too, V" she smiled, evidently relieved.</p><p>"Yeh sure, but, that a problem?" he gestured to the scorched door of Phils truck. Panam eyed it a moment</p><p>"Looks superficial, but we dont have time to check" she dismissed then as she turned a metallic pew erupted between their heads, a bullet richocheted off the top of Phils truck. V dove forward, grabbing at Panam and swooping between her and the location of the shooter. He dragged her toward her truck, keeping them both hunched.  As they crossed the gap between the two vehicles another bullet fired, this one hit V in his lower left abdomen, the pain barely registered as his pain editor kicked in. Making it to the truck he opened the door and shoved Panam in, her angry protests didn't even register. V knew roughly where the shooter was, readying the projectile launcher in his arm he suddenly popped up and triggered his Kereznikov implant, the world ground to a halt, the shooter obvious on the ridge now, the most recent bullet travelling slowly but steadily toward him, the auto targeter locked on and V fired, the tiny missile on route he ducked back down. The Kereznikov ending just as he was safe, the bullet whizzing just overhead and hitting the rocky outcrop beyond. The missile hit miliseconds later surely liquifying the attacker in the explosion of red. Wasting no time he clambered into the truck, Panams hands reached for him and pulled aggresively. He slammed the door shut seconds before the convoy floored it, racing forward and through the gully.</p><p>The ride was somewhat more bumpy moving at these higher speeds; the suspension was clearly working very hard and was absorbing much if the hopping and skipping Phil's truck ahead was any indication. Nonetheless the jolts were irritating to his fresh wound. He peeled off his shirt to get a better look. And caught Panam's double take as she realised he had been hit. </p><p>"Shit, V!" she exclaimed, and pushed a few buttons on the dash, their chairs moving beneath them. It didn't look that bad, it hadn't hit anything vital, his quick diagnostic confirmed it. The chairs locked in place facing one another and Panam started cautiously dabbing at the wound with her towel. Her face taught with stress.</p><p>"'S fine, just a flesh wound" he concilliated "Ran a diagnostic, seriously 's fine." Panam seemed to relax and take her hand back. It had stopped bleeding, the implants speeding the healing process many times over. After a few steadying breaths Panam launched the towel as V's head.</p><p>"What the fuck, V?!" she shrieked. "You think that you can just shove me out of a fight whenever you want?!" her anger and frustration escaping. V just remained silent, he wouldn't apologise for trying to keep her safe. "Life is dangerous sometimes, you can't just throw yourself in front of it all!" </p><p>"Would ya' do the same for me?!" he bristled, and Panam flinched but returned an indignant steely gaze. "'Zactly! So don't tell me I can't do the same for you! 'Specially when I've more reason t' do it!"</p><p>"You've MORE reason?! Is this some kind of macho bullshit?!" Panam screeched, wildly gesticulating</p><p>"'S some kinda I'm already dead bullshit!" V roared, throwing his arms up in frustration</p><p>"HEY!" Panam shouted, this time she grabbed his face with both hands "You are NOT dead! You are not giving up! WE are not giving up!" V crumbled, she still didn't know but she still believed in it so much. He took her wrists and removed her hands from his face and Panam stiffened</p><p>"No, Panam.... You still don't get it..." he sniffed</p><p>"I do-" she tried</p><p> "I'm not dyin' like I was before!" V confessed, Panam recoiled, "I'm dead too now! I'm just another fuckin engram"</p><p>"What?" she trembled</p><p>"Alt ripped me 'n Johnny outta my head in one go, cut us in two 'n shoved my half back in... Don't know how exactly but... Think I'm the biochip now..." V struggled, his eyes beginning to sting.</p><p>"That's... No, that... You're an engram, V?" she paled, he couldn't say any more, just nodded sadly. They were both quiet for a long time, it was a lot to process he knew, he'd known for days and was still working on it. He realised he was still clutching her wrists, he released them worried she might not let him touch her again, she seemed too shell shocked to move. What a shitty way to end things. He had been happy with just getting the woman of his dreams, he didn't need all that other stuff Jackie always talked about. The money, the jobs, being a 'Fuckin Legend'... He realised now that it wasnt even that he just didn't need them, it was that he didn't want them. How long had that been the case, V wondered. The creeping thought that it was before even the heist. How different things would be if he had realised sooner. A few tears had started to escape and V screwed his eyes tight.</p><p>Several tongue-tied minutes passed, V's heavy beathing a shaky percussion. Soft hands enveloped both of his, little circles drawn on the backs of his hands. V cracked his eyes open, he scarcely believed what they saw, her hands on his, a flicker of hope.</p><p>"V?" her voice was thick and unsteady. He gradually lifted his head, his eyes still screwed tight. He took a few additional composing breaths, then opened his eyes. She was staring back, her eyes slightly watery, but not a trace of shed tears. She took one of his hands and place it over her heart, the remarkably steady thrumming of her heart tickled his nerves. <br/>"I am alive" she stated, then lifted his other hand to cover his own heart, its rapid beats matching his anxiety.<br/>"You are alive" she fervently declared. "I am here for you. We will find a way, V. End of discussion." she moved up and hugged him. It was all awkward angles, but he had never felt more comforted. He lifted her up and put her in his lap and moved to deepen the embrace.</p><p>"Thanks, Panam." he nuzzled her temple.</p><p>If there's a way, she'd find it. An if there wasn't? Well he'd still get to spend the rest of his life with her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for the kudos and comments, I really wasn't expecting this much support. <br/>It means so much.<br/>I'll try no to let you down! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the initial high speed tactics the clan had stopped only just before any vehicles ran out of CHOOH2, a brief assembly of the more vocal members debated their next course of action as the others topped off the tanks. V Dutifully set about topping up Panams truck, but spent much of his time surreptitiously listening to the decisions being made. He was enjoying not having the burden of choice weigh on his shoulders for a change. V found he was happy to take a break from all that drama, instead he would just get washed along with the current, and focus his mind on things mercifully trivial. Still he couldn't help the desire to know what was going on, especially hearing the attitudes of those in camp, without them knowing he was listening, without changing their answers to suit. The very real threat of the Raffen Shiv being on their tail had resulted in the Aldecaldos concluding they needed to employ some more unusual evasive maneuvers.  It was decided they would drive long through the night, if they did they would be close enough to Phoenix to radio the the wider Aldecaldo family, securing their location was the primary objective, much needed to be discussed. They were also to change their route immediately and off road it, it'd take slightly longer but it was agreed getting there in one piece was of higher priority. Off road for those long stretches meant manual driving. Panam was in for a long night. </p>
<p>The clan returning to their rides and starting the engines, Panam hopped in, discarding a worn book on the back seat, her face taut but friendly. "Thanks, for filling her up" she mumbled as they pulled away. V'd had ulterior motives but she didn't need more clan friction on her plate.</p>
<p>"Would rather be fillin' somethin' else" he leered</p>
<p>"Pfff, fuck, V!" she snorted, the stress evaporating as a grin split her face "Okay, how about, 'Thanks, for topping her up'" she corrected.</p>
<p>"You can top m-" V started, not missing a beat.</p>
<p>"Shut up! Forget it. Get out." she laughed</p>
<p>"I'd rather get in" he shrugged, his face relaxed in an easy smile, and Panam laughed brightly</p>
<p>"What's got you acting like a horny joytoy anyway?"</p>
<p>"Can't help it, you're irresistable, Panam." V </p>
<p>"Fuck V, you're too smooth sometimes..." she shook her head in amused exasperation "When you're not being crass, that is." she added sliding V pointed look. The truth was that V had simply wanted to try to lighten the mood, it had felt heavy since they last spoke. When Panam had decreed it was the 'End of discussion' she had been more factual than V had realised. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about what she had said, that he was alive. Objectively V knew that an engram was a digital copy of a person's very identity, an identical one that, without external factors, would do and say the same things.  He wondered, would he be the same man now if Alt had been able to simply extricate Johnny, never hitting him with the soulkiller? Would he be better or worse? Would either of them ever deserve Panam? She seemed to have made up her mind though, apparently he was an engram worth at least putting up with. Whether he thought himself worthy or not was irrelevant, that wasn't his choice. His choice was to try and earn that decision.</p>
<p>Torn from his internal philosophising a message came through, it was from Judy, several more followed, she was not a person afraid to triple text, V smiled to himself. <br/>'Sup, So I been thinkin' bout your offer'<br/>'I figure why not? I been enjoying the changin' scenery lately. Nomads probably see even more, huh?'<br/>'Where you guys headed? Want me to meet ya?'<br/>'Later, V"</p>
<p>He sent back,<br/>'Hey, Jude. Preem, I owe ya. Headed to Phoenix, Raffen Shiv about, take care.' V hadn't personally noticed that he said so much less to everyone else until it had slapped him across the face. He was comfortable with Judy, she was probably his best friend, and he enjoyed her company by all accounts. He had no valid reason to be so guarded around her. V frowned to himself, Arasaka had robbed him of so much, and he wanted to take as much as he could back. Trusting people outside of Panam seemed a good start, even if it was just one more person.</p>
<p>"You alright, V?" Panam gentley probed, "You're thinking so loud, I need earplugs" she joked, and V realised his face was a tight frown, he dropped it instantly, a content smile taking its place</p>
<p>"All good, Panam." V replied "I got good news, Judy jus' messaged, she's gonna try and join us in Phoenix" </p>
<p>"Oh. Right." Panam forced. V frowned lightly in confusion. A few seconds later she began to fidget and V smiled to himself, he knew she had a question and it was brewing, in a few minutes it would erupt, he just had to be patient. He checked on the neatness of his boot laces, then patted himself down smoothing out wrinkles or removing lint. <br/>"So, how did you guys meet?" she finally blurted. He had thought she had a spark of jealousy before when Judy mentioned the sunsets and the lake so off handed. Now he knew there was a small ember. V was a firm believer in moderation of jealousy. Too much was a disease that would eat a relationship up. Too little and it would leave the other perhaps feeling under valued, unless they were very secure. But a middle ground? He certainly felt pleasantly smug and warm in that moment.</p>
<p>"She's the BD expert who helped in the Konpeki heist, she really helped me out tryin' to chase down leads after too." he smiled fondly "She's really nice Panam, she is one of the few actually good people to survive Night City, you'll see"</p>
<p>"That's good. She'll get on with everyone just fine?" she smiled though it was thin. No need to drag out the misunderstanding any longer V wanted to put Panam's mind at ease, only so much teasing was fun.</p>
<p>"Yeah, more chooms among the clan than me 'fter one day." he assured. Then turning to face her more openly he placed a hand on her thigh, giving it a soft squeeze "Judy is great. But she's no Panam." He added concisely, and gave an earnest smile. Panam relaxed as her cheeks flushed pink. Purposely V kept his hand where it was, his thumb brushing back and forth. After a few minutes passed Panam visibly jolted, </p>
<p>"I just remembered!" she flicked her head back toward the back seat, "The book is for you" V fished for it and plopped it in his lap, then returned his hand to soothing her thigh. </p>
<p>"What is it?" he asked, his free hand opening it up and flipping to the first page</p>
<p>"One of the Aldecaldo history journals, we got interrupted last time. Thought this might be a better idea" She smiled kindly, a hint of a question in her eyes. V grinned, the same stupefied look he had when he thought about sharing her tent, or truck, or dinner table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been a long drive with only pit stops to top up the fuel tanks, but they eventually made it to the vicinity of Phoenix, finally pulling to a halt a few miles southwest of Lake Pleasant, tucked behind a few small mounds. It was early morning, not yet light enough to set up camp, and the drivers were all too exhausted. The clan all turned in for the night, one or two that had slept on the ride staying up to keep watch. Panam had collapsed into the back of her truck as soon as she could, falling asleep quickly, soft snores every now an then.</p>
<p>V needed to stretch his legs just a little before he curled himself up again to sleep. The site was near perfect, enough space for them to park all their vehicles and still set up their tents, yet it would remain concealed from nearly all directions. The night's stillness broken only by an Aldecaldo's movement. He scuffed his feet in the lose dust, kicking up small clouds. How long did he have left if nothing could be done? Of that time, how much of it would he be able to live? How much would be blinding pain and glitching, or worse total numbness, unable to feel an evening's cool breeze or the warmth of Panams hand in his? The life he had tasted the last few days, the being free. Nothing in his life could compare to watching the stars with Panam at his side, he wanted that for his life. He wanted that life to go on for years. V knew that he wouldn't give up trying live and chase that dream, he only worried that chasing a dream didn't historically work out well for him. How far would his desire to achieve his dream drive him? It was all too much. V shook himself off, he needed peace. </p>
<p>Just as V opened the door to the truck, he noticed Ursa Major in the sky just above the roof of the truck, directly about where Panam lay. He chuckled to himself, reading that journal in the truck he had found a whole section on astronomy, he learned a few interesting things, chiefly that Panam hadn't bothered to correct him, they didn't have a star, they had a whole constellation. Something small being much bigger than he realised, the thought lit his face. Before Misty and the glitching tarot cards, V hadn't been especially spiritual, he certainly hadn't believed in anything as fanciful as prophecy. After everything that had happened, even V had to wonder. If this was a sign it felt like a good one, he wasn't going to fight it. </p>
<p>He kicked his boots off and shuffled up behind Panam, she shifted slightly and let out a soft whimper before falling silent. "Panam?" he whispered. She didn't reply. "Panam, you awake?" no answer again. V shimmied closer and wrapped his arm across her chest, his hand finding hers and twining their finders together. Her flat breathing and slow steady heart beat against his finger tips assured she was still fast asleep.  V kissed her head lightly and dropped his own down. "G'Night" Sleep came quickly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning V awoke disappointed, his arms were empty. He slumped forward, and scatched his face, he was going to make sure this day contained a shower or something, even if he had to build one himself because he just felt disgusting. Changing his underwear on a daily basis and nothing else was not a hygiene practice V could get behind. He got dressed and made to leave the cab, noticing he had 2 waiting messages he stopped, they were both from Panam.</p>
<p>'V,<br/>I've gone to meet the local Aldecaldo tribe leader, <br/>I'll be back later - Try not to cause too much trouble'</p>
<p>'Oh and I left something for you on the dash, I hope it helps!'</p>
<p>Looking over the the Dash he found a pair of aviator sunglasses, it was sunny sure but it wasn't that irritating, his implants stopped the harmful radiation anyway. He thought it was sweet nonetheless. Proudly putting the sunglasses he moved over and opened the door, bracing for the rolling malfunctions. To his dismay they didn't come. V then realised the purpose of the shades and he melted slightly into himself. </p>
<p>The soft buzz of people milling about and setting up the tents permeated air, a calm pace to all movement. It was the opposite of Night City, here everyone appeared to work slowly yet get so much done, and the former seemed an eternal exercise of people frantically rushing around and staying stuck in the same shit.</p>
<p>Mitch was stood trying to pin together the tent that had been damaged by Julian a few days before, it's crooked post still listing.<br/>"Need help?" V offered, Mitch turned a small measure of surprise on his face,</p>
<p>"Sure, put these pins in those holes to lock it together" he gestured as he explained, "I'll go get the canvas" a cheerful grin as he walked over to a nearby crate and began fiddling with the haulage straps. The task was fairly straight forward, mostly made more difficult only by the pieces refusing to neatly line up, the bent support doing more than make the tent look wonky. Idly V strolled over to the bent support, clamped his hands on it and attempted to straighten it. For the most part it had worked, only a few small kinks, and it stood freely in an upright fashion. V stepped backvto admire his handiwork, finally able to put himself to good use. "Quite an impressive display, 'fraid the one ya' tryin' to impress ain't home right now" Mitch poked fun as he appeared by V's side.</p>
<p>"Heh, wasn't doin' it for that." he returned, the assertion he was only there to help Panam not even veiled. It wasn't wholly untrue, but with Panam as their leader, everything around them was for V to assist.</p>
<p>"Nah, wouldn't work either..." He stated a fine edge to it, his expression unreadable. V considered for a few minutes, deciding that Mitch was a man who would appreciate a direct approach.</p>
<p>"Is there a problem?" V questioned his voice measured. Mitch slowly smirked</p>
<p>"For a gun fight? You'd be top of my list. For an Aldecaldo? I could find hundreds more capable of team work. For Panam?" He scoffed.</p>
<p>"Meanin'" V pressed, and Mitch smiled brightly</p>
<p>"I do admire ya' perseverance" the moments ticked by and Mitch indicated the canvas in his hands, "Still here to help?" the question was loaded V knew, and he made a mental note that Mitch was a lot more intelligent than he had first assessed, what's more he knew how to hide it behind some country charm. V nodded stiffly and took a corner, they began throwing it over the frame, grabbing the guide ropes and dragging it the last few feet in to place. As Mitch picked up the mallet and tent pegs he continued their earlier conversation as though no time had passed "Meanin' ya' find trouble faster than a car off a cliff, you think that's what Panam needs?"</p>
<p>"Think only Panam should decide what she needs." V asserted flatly.</p>
<p>"Mmhmm, ya' also think 'n addict should control their supply?" he retorted, that same jovial expression as though the conversation were nothing more serious than the weather.</p>
<p>"Think comparin' Panam to an addict 's a sure fire way to get smacked" </p>
<p>"Oh ho, ya' gonna hit me for jus' speakin' m' mind" Mitch goaded</p>
<p>"Nah, but Panam might." V raised his eyebrows, a small smirk on his lips.</p>
<p>"Ya' tell 'er everthin' huh?" Mitch provoked</p>
<p>"Never a lie." V parried</p>
<p>"Only the good?" Mitch grinned like a man with the winning hand, V recoiled</p>
<p>"What makes you say that?" V demanded</p>
<p>"Easy now" Mitch raised his hands in mock surrender "Ya' not as quiet as you think is all"</p>
<p>"'N hoverin' outside a tent listenin' to private conversation fits where on your scale of what's good for Panam?" V could feel his blood start to boil</p>
<p>"She's like a daughter to me, V. I half raised her" his face still warm but each word was a warning shot</p>
<p>"'S not 'n excuse to invade her privacy" V straightened his back, his posture alert</p>
<p>"Agreed, but I'd point out my tent was next to hers, 'n I can't exactly close my ears. Much as I wish I could, would've saved me a lot of discomfort the other night..." he cringed yet maintained an air of approachability.</p>
<p>"We done here?" V bristled, nobody was more upset about that than Panam.</p>
<p>"Whoa, whoa. Hold ya' horses. I jus' wanted to air a few things out" Mitch placated</p>
<p>"Think we done that"</p>
<p>"Hmm. Did ya' learn much? I certainly did." Mitch quizzed</p>
<p>"Better understanding of the man beneath the mask"</p>
<p>"Ha! Been a long time since 'nybody really sparred like that, I respect that about ya' too now" </p>
<p>"Wasn't aware I needed it" V remained staunch, Mitch grinned from ear to ear</p>
<p>"I like ya', V, I really do. Jus' now I respect ya'." Mitch appeased, V just stared him down.<br/>"Alright, I won't keep ya', just wan' to be clear on one thing." He paused to make sure V was paying attention. <br/>"If you hurt Panam I will make ya' suffer. Don't think I won't, 'n don't think I can't. I saw things in the Unification War ya' wouldn't believe. Remember that" As serious as he clearly was, Mitch bounced back from cold to warm like it was all just a button press away. <br/>"See ya', V!" chipper as ever.</p>
<p>"Hey, wait, Mitch. Uh, the name Martin ring any bells?" V asked innocently, Mitch's head snapped to V immediately any warmth from earlier now vapour in the breeze.</p>
<p>"Where'd ya' hear that name?" He interrogated</p>
<p>"Oh, just heard some people talkin'" V replied non-commitally and Mitch scowled, his eyes narrowed in disbelief</p>
<p>"That so? Jus' 'happen' to hear people talkin' 'bout Martin of all people?" the scepticism weighed on each vowel. V shrugged, feigning innocence. <br/>"Hmph. Say I believe that, What are you lookin' to learn exactly?". The man had a point, V hadn't really thought through his own question, what did he want to know?  A quiet voice in his head also asking if it even mattered.</p>
<p>"I dunno" he admitted, "'Nything you think I should know?" he remained cautious.</p>
<p>"Good kid, troubled though." Mitch paused, his expression rigid "Cut Panam up pretty bad too" Mitch was being intentionally vague,</p>
<p>"What happened?" V strained,</p>
<p>"He died" Mitch stated</p>
<p>"Oh." V's face tightened "'M sorry to hear that" he finished</p>
<p>"Not as sorry as ya' will be if you tell Panam I told you anything" Mitch smirked, but his eyes were hard, he had shifted back and appeared friendly again, but he meant every word. V just nodded he understood, and Mitch eyed him for a few  moments, the smile dropped away <br/>"Killed himself. Blew his brains out, right fuckin' mess" his tone was detatched but V could see the small sad glint in Mitch's eyes. V had planned to do that too, before Mikoshi. He had reasoned it was so much easier, and nobody else would suffer. When he called Panam however, he simply heard her voice, groggy and grumpy, and his resolve had shattered. He couldn't do it, he wanted to live... And he couldn't imagine how Panam would feel. Learning it was almost the second time a gonk had done that to her was almost overwhelming. The context for their every interaction suddenly shifted, her determination to save him for starters. V flinched, it was a lot to unpack.</p>
<p>"What... What made 'im..?" V managed and Mitch snorted</p>
<p>"You want more answers you'd best ask Panam. Or don't. I think she want's to leave this one buried. I only said this much t' stop you and your clumsy investigations getting back to Panam. Don't want her hurtin', V." his voice grew more stern with each word.</p>
<p>"Won't say a word. Don't want that either." V agreed</p>
<p>"Ya sure? Curiosity can be a persistent bastard" he challenged, his eyes scanning V's face intently.</p>
<p>"Positive" V confirmed</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After his duel with Mitch, V found the prospect of socialising very wearing. He spent the best part of the day setting up Panam's tent and arranging the furniture. When Panam still hadn't arrived back he simply read the book she had given him. Actual paper books were quite rare, V supposed it was less uncommon among the Nomads, certainly the journal painted a picture of keeping something til it physically fell apart. V laughed darkly, maybe that was why Panam kept him around, she had to wait til he fell apart? He promptly scolded himself, he knew her better than that. He knew she cared, and deeply. She just wasn't there yet, or wasn't ready to be. After what he had learned today it was certainly understandable. He could wait. He would wait. For as long as time permitted.</p>
<p>V hadn't realised he had fallen asleep until the rustling of the tent opening disrupted his slumber. It was Panam, she was finally back at... 01:39am?! What had taken the meeting so long? He slowly rose, sitting in bed to greet her.</p>
<p>"Hey, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you." She whispered</p>
<p>"No, no, it's fine. Just glad you're back" V Smiled, as he gave her a quick once over, glad when he saw no signs of a brawl, his reading had taught him some branches were less civilized about certain things, specifically female leaders, an old tradition that pervaded in a handful of clans within the Aldecaldos, the burden of its more traditional roots. The one thing V could say wasn't as problematic in his time at Arasaka, by no means due to some equality mandate, but from every colleague being so busy scheming and sharpening their shivs that they didn't have time to worry about the genitalia of their next stepping stone.</p>
<p>"I'll talk about it all later, but right now I just need sleep!" She pleaded</p>
<p>"'Course." he shuffled over to make space. Panam undressed herself promptly, she looked utterly worn out as she turned and flopped on the bed. She was facing him and nestled herself up against the top of his chest, her feet extending just beyond his as the cuddled lowered.<br/>"Oh, one thing, real quick!" V blurted, Panam lifted her head with a a half lidded gaze, </p>
<p>"What is it?" she murmured V pressed forward with a slow soft kiss against her lips, she smille lazily into it. Eventually breaking off "You're such a gonk. Night, V" she mumbled and snuggled closer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V could feel Panams hand linked with his, pressed between their chests, the soft rhythm of her heart bumped against the back of his hand, their legs wrapped together in an embrace of their own. Before he opened his eyes V knew he would find himself breathless when he did. Her nose softly nuzzled from side to side, her hair brushed against his cheek. V would be happy to stay like this all day. The mere thought of breaking the peace of morning's spell was a dagger to the heart. They stayed in their bubble for over half an hour, utterly at ease, not a care in the world. Panam was the one to finally murmer "Good morning" it's easy half dozing tone was as relaxed as he'd ever heard. </p><p>"Mmm, Good mornin', Panam" V sighed in contentment, his eyes still closed.</p><p>"What are you doing today?" she breathed as her shoulders and legs seemed to stretch.</p><p>"You?" he grinned lazily, and Panam snorted, head butting his chin lightly in mock indignance</p><p>"Maybe, depends if we can get away for a bit" </p><p>"Wha's stoppin' us, we can go right now" he drawled, no urgency in his voice, perfectly happy to stay as they were.</p><p>"Palmer family business" she replied, V opened his eyes at last, his interest thoroughly peaked. As expected his mind trailed off as soon as he saw her smiling back at him, carefree and perhaps a litte pleased.</p><p>"Oh? Need me for 'nything?" v offered</p><p>"Many things" she pressed a messy short kiss against his lips a coy smile danced across her face, "But not to go get officially sworn in as the family chief." she stated but grew audibly  more excited when she continued "We're the Palmer family of the Aldecaldos now"</p><p>"That's great Panam, couldn't be more proud" he murmered still half asleep, but with no less meaning. Panam smiled smugly to herself, and shrugged. They cuddled for a while longer. </p><p>Much petting and carressing later Panam reluctantly extricated herself from V's embrace sighing heavily she began to get dressed.<br/>
"Sorry, Mitch said he needed to discuss something, duty calls" she grumbled, V tried not to bristle at the prospect, he didn't know what Mitch wanted, it could have nothing to do with their discussion the day before. Catching his slight tension, Panam gave him a curious look before leaning down and placing a firm kiss on his lips.<br/>
"I'll find you before I have to go"</p><p>"Can I come? Be your plus one? I'd make 'n excellent trophy hu-..uman" V began smoothly until he stumbled turning very pink, he wasn't alone in his new hue. She stalled for a few minutes, collecting up additional clothes.</p><p>"Uh, it's not exactly that kind thing" She replied cautiously. It was obvious that he wasn't going, V only hoped it wasn't because he'd made her uncomfortable, thoughts soon dispelled by her quick peck just before she moved to leave.</p><p>As she left the tent, the calm comforting feeling left too, and bright morning sun leeched through the opening that sent V off into a dizzying fit of glitching. It was only as the pain subsided that he realised he had coughed blood onto his hand. That hadn't happened since the dam outside Night City. V cursed, he had temporarily forgotten his condition was significantly more than light sensitivity, and that deterioration was on the horizon.</p><p>Sighing heavily V pulled himself up off the bed and stretched, he might be dying but he didn't have to carry a gun just to get something to eat, he didn't have to lock his front door - he didn't even HAVE a front door. He was free to just relax, or rather to try to relax anyway. A message came through just as he stood up, it was Panam</p><p>'The shower block has been set up,<br/>
and I mean this in the nicest possible way.<br/>
You stink.'</p><p>V laughed, she wasn't wrong, and frankly he couldn't wait to scrub himself clean. A new personal dream of his was to somehow obtain a more portable shower than the one the Aldecaldos set up when in camp. It had been somewhat shocking when he first saw it, little more than old pipes fixed to a panel and then propped up against a truck, a few shower curtains hung from the thin frame protruding from the top. It was little more than a hose pipe, but V utterly relished in the thought of it, his desperation being what it was.</p><p>He had almost run to the showers upon receiving her message, and when he stepped under the cool water he felt as though it would wash away his problems too. Problems like what he would do with his new found knowledge of Martin. Mitch had been right in that V was still very curious, what drove him to end things that way? What exactly was the nature of his relationship with Panam? Just how close were they? Had he been better looking than V? No, no. Not that last one, V had never truly been insecure about his appearance before, he wasn't going to start now. The most pressing question was how exactly it impacted Panam? How much had it affected how she treated him? Correction, V thought, the streams were not washing away his problems, not even close. The water shrinking from a trickle to drips informed V he had used up his ration of shower water for the day. V understood the need for such limitations, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.</p><p>V had just grabbed himself some scop and sat down under the shade of a tarp canopy when he caught sight of Julian having what looked like a heated yet secretive argument with Mitch. He had been about to eavesdrop when Mitch seemed to sense V's observation, he simply raised an eyebrow, the hint of a challenge. Without any other interaction Mitch returned to his disagreement. V considered for a moment, who was he to scold Mitch for inadvertently hearing his private conversations with Panam, if he then so freely spied on everyone else?</p><p>"Phew! I thought I told you to shower!" Panam teased appearing by his side, gently squeezing his shoulder as she passed and sat opposite with an All Foods Burrito, and ripped into the packaging.</p><p>"I did!" V replied indignantly. Panam met him with a knowing smile and a small shake of the head.<br/>
"Hey! Where'd you get that?" he demanded pointing at her food. She smiled taking an over large bite, and moaned in an exaggerated fashion. V frowned playfully. She gradually chewed her food, eventually finishing her mouth full </p><p>"V.I.P's buffet" she smirked, as V threw his hands up in mock fury.</p><p>"It's savage, eatin' a burrito for breakfast" he sniffed, false disdain. She laughed only to start enjoying her food more noisily and dramatically. Returning to his food Panam absently brushed her leg against his, loosely connecting them together.</p><p>"I have some good news" V nodded prompting for her to continue "Anastazia Strzechowski, best ripper doc in the state. She has agreed to meet us" </p><p>"Agreed? That good she got a list 'n appointments?" V queried</p><p>"She worked for a Militech subdivision, cutting edge cyberware. Now she works for the Aldecaldos - Pro bono..."</p><p>"Mmhmm, why so philanthropic?" V's tone dubious.</p><p>"She messed up, now Militech wants her dead." Panam responded nonchalant</p><p>"So, corpo bullshit, the yoush" he deadpanned "When's the meet?"</p><p>"A few days, she won't give specifics right now" she shrugged.</p><p>They finished eating and Panam got up, V followed suit and walked alongside as she set off towards an as yet unknown destination. She could walk off a pier and he'd join her, such was her magnetism. They trundled up to her truck and she turned around her face apprehensive, "V?.. Do you?..." She struggled "Do you think we're responsible for other people's lives?" a question like that demanded an answer but he didn't think it had just one.</p><p>"In what way?" V was cautious.</p><p>"Our actions, what we do. You think... Ah fuck it, nevermind" she frowned.</p><p>"What's wrong, Panam?" he gently pressed, she opened the truck door, but paused picking at the frame with her nail absently, her face the epitome of rumination</p><p>"If what I say means a person ends up dead... Do I have a right to say it?" She was being evasive of her intent, she wanted an answer but didn't really want to ask the question.</p><p>"Think we're resposible for our own actions. Threats, lies, promises, ultimately it's a choice how you react." He hoped she would take heart in his answer, V worried she blamed herself for Saul. He had blamed himself, but she had reminded him that Saul made his own choice, just as they all did. He fixed her with a meaningful gaze<br/>
"We choose our own paths. I chose to go Konpecki, chose to put that fuckin' chip in my head." he affirmed and took her free hand, "I chose to live, Panam."  he paused as her eyes lifted and met his "I chose to be here now." she gave an unsteady smile and hugged him tightly. They rocked slowly from side to side for a time until Panam released her hold.</p><p>"I've gotta go, but when I get back..." she trailed off with a soft smile "We should go somehere. Get away from everything."</p><p>"It's a date." V risked, a delighted grin splitting his face.</p><p>"It's a date." Panam confirmed as her smile grew steadily, she finally turned and got into her truck, Mitch plodded up alongside seemingly from nowhere. </p><p>"See ya', V!" he nodded cheerfully, his expression overtly warm but held a steely glint in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>V found himself fidgety, buzzing with energy but nothing to do. Once, he might have gone looking for a tricky contract, especially one on a piece of shit like Jotaro Shobo. V felt no remorse in ridding the world of scum like that. Out in the badlands though, nobody and nothing for miles. The perfect time for a drive. He hopped in Beast and buckled himself in, he could hardly believe it'd been only a week since he'd last driven, it felt so foreign now, like something was missing. V couldn't determine if that was his subconcious warning he had forgotten something or his concious just dreamily thinking of Panam again. The engine roared to life and he pulled away, small rocks and fine dust skidding and churning as he did so.</p><p>The world seemd to glide by as if a never-ending expanse, he rolled the window down and enjoyed the cool rushing wind on his face. He wasn't aiming to do anything specific with his day, just vague plans and ideas. After driving a few miles, he came to a stop on a large hill, it wasn't steep, or remarkable in any way, save the view. To the south an endless plain of scrubland, scattered with small hills and crevices. To the north smooth rock mountains, mottled reds and browns. It was beautiful in its simplicity. He lay in the blazing sun for a few hours, just enjoying the serenity of being so completely alone, save for perhaps wishing one specific person was here to enjoy it too, then he would be whole. The heat became too harsh as the sun reached it's peak and V had to retreat to the shelter of Beast again. This would be the perfect place to bring Panam later, when the sun is down, and the sky reveals it's infinite hoarde of glittering diamonds.</p><p>Returning to camp V set about tidying himself up, washing his face at the basin in Panam's tent. Mid preening a message came through</p><p>'Hey V,<br/>
I'm really sorry but I dont think I'll be back early tonight,<br/>
I never knew bein' a chief meant so much bueaucracy.<br/>
I'll make it up to you, I promise."</p><p>It stung more than a little, he had been inexorably excited for what he figured was their first proper date. But she had commitments, she had other responsibilities, and he would have to remind himself of these facts repeatedly as he removed the rifle she had given him from his truck. He'd find another day to return it. He spent the rest of the evening sulkily in a corner as the clan played their music. Later on in the night a woman started singing a few bars with surprising skill and depth. It's melodic harmony and wisftul lyrics had V grumpily thinking it was salt in the wound.  As the daily festivities died down, and the clan all started to break off for bed V decided it was time to do the same.</p><p> </p><p>Back at Panam's tent V began undressing for bed, each movement lethargic. He tidied his clothes up, an effort to make the place more presentable when Panam got home. Home. V stopped where he was his mind exploding at the thought. She was his home, he knew that, the day he left Night City he had no other home than her, and he welcomed that change. But this was her home, he had been sleeping, reading, lazing about in Panam's home. And she welcomed him to it, she never showed any sign of contempt for the invasion of her space, her privacy. She just shared it freely. V's stomach tumbled and his chest felt weightless. Eventually breaking out of his stupor he grinned madly. Actions not words, he thought utterly elated.</p><p>Panam entered the tent, taking off her jacket as she went, stopping abruptly as she made it through the opening. V turned sharply, stood in nothing but his boxers, her brows furrowed in confusion.<br/>
"V, you're still up?... And you're half naked?..." she paused and a bright smile formed on her face,<br/>
"Are you trying to seduce me?" she laughed, V just looked at her in awe, silent joy. Her face returned to perplexity.<br/>
"What's that look for?" she probed. V marched forward and wrapped her in the tightest embrace.</p><p>"Jus' happy to see you" he mumbled into her neck, and swayed from side to side, breathing in her scent. Panam was no less confused when he finally released her, </p><p>"Yeah, missed you too" She smiled still pertubed, "You have a good day or something?" </p><p>"It just got better!" he announced.</p><p>"Pffffuck, V!" she laughed shaking her head, and swatting his chest as she walked past. Panam resumed getting herself undressed for bed unaware that as V moved about the tent to settle down on her bed, shuffling over so that she had space, his eyes never left her.<br/>
She climbed in next to him and cuddled in close, as she had done the night before.<br/>
"You're such a gonk" she murmured as she closed her eyes. Sleep took Panam quickly but V remained awake for somewhat longer, his heart racing at his revelation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gentle breaths caressed V's chest, the soft sighs of relaxed contentment, and the world slowly made itself know to his senses again as he awoke. The warmth radiating from the being pressed up against him, and the weightless feeling it brought. The steady beating of Panam's heart the drum beat of his favourite song.</p>
<p>"Good mornin, Panam" V mumbled, sleep still heavy in his voice. She shuffled slightly, he could feel her shimmy closer, her cheek pressing against his chest.</p>
<p>"Good morning" her reply groggy but bright, the feeling of her forming smile rubbed against his skin. The quiet hubub of the outside world filtered through the air, tools cranking, the canteen truck clattering with use, the purr of an engine peeling away from camp. A light draft swept over his flesh, pleasing in the warm air. </p>
<p>"What we doin' today, chief?" V hummed, satisfaction permeating his every fibre.</p>
<p>"Mmmm...." Panam's voice fought against languor, "Chores... Of the maintenance kind." she finished, with no effort to move.</p>
<p>"Oh boo... I'm not good with my hands" V grumbled facetiously</p>
<p>"I disagree. Vehemently" Panam replied and stretched herself deliberately against his body.<br/>
"But you're a useless technician" She added and her broad smile against his chest tickled V both physically and mentally.</p>
<p>"So what 'm I doin' today?" he quizzed</p>
<p>"Bodyguard" she answered as she pushed away slightly, leaning up and bumping against his nose. V opened his eyes and he was certain of one thing, the depths of her beauty would never not confound him. The way one corner of her mouth would tick up slightly before she smiled, the way the small scar over her left eyebrow excentuated the challenge when it cocked, the way her eyes radiated warmth. </p>
<p>"Yes chief! Guard 'that' body with my life" he smirked </p>
<p>"We guard each other." Her expression hard and clarity of voice informing she would brooke no argument on this.</p>
<p>"Yes chief" he agreed, </p>
<p>"Come on, let's go" she rolled away, but V struggled to get up. V thought the best thing about mornings was waking up next to Panam. She got her change of clothes and her recently laundered towel and turned back to check on V's progress. He hadn't moved, he had simply rolled onto his back and closed his eyes again. She smiled softly and shook her head lightly "I'll wait at the canteen, but if this sleeping beauty takes too long...." she trailed off in good humour</p>
<p>"Maybe this sleepin' prince is waiting for his magic kiss, pretty rude for the princess to leave him in a coma" he teased</p>
<p>"I believe you're a strong independent prince, you don't need no princess" she chuckled</p>
<p>"Disagree. Vehemently" V's voice jovial, Panam snorted and rolled her eyes</p>
<p>"Fine, but it's my last charitable act of the day" She quipped and she leaned down and delicately placed a kiss on his lips. V instantly fluttered his eyes open in an exaggerated manner, adding a gasp for effect</p>
<p>"Worked, must be true-" V purred, Panam swatted him and laughed, her face growing curiously red.</p>
<p>"I'll see you by the canteen" she reaffirmed, hastily leaving the tent.</p>
<p>It was only after Panam left that V realised what had her caused her sudden evacuation, what he had almost said... He wondered what would have happened if he had finished his sentence. He doubted it would have been anything other awkward, she certainly wasn't ready to cross that bridge. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After having a shower V made his way to the canteen in search of Panam. As he walked he noticed something felt off, eyes were on him, from multiple directions. Dishing himself up a bowl of kibble he subtly searched his peripheral vision for the cause of these feelings; Sure enough he found many of the Aldecaldos were indeed watching him, of which some brimmed with disdain, others with curiosity, all of them with a hint of fear. V was not offended so much as very intrigued, he wondered what he had done or said to stir up this reaction. Panam wasn't visible so he elected to sit down and enjoy his breakfast in relative peace, or to his observers that was ostensibly his plan; He infact planned to surruptitiously monitor the Aldecaldos for clues. As he ate his first few mouthfuls of the unpleasant crunchy biscuits, he vividly recalled the last time he ate such low quality food was when he was much younger, his application for Arasaka funded education had been successful, the indentured contractual agreement meaning he would be a <i>rich corpo</i>, his foolish teenage pride had declared that day he would never eat <i>such filth</i> again. A strange notion now. True, it was foul, but it was food, and from the perspective of the Aldecaldos it kept well without much effort surrounding storage.</p>
<p>"Hey there, V!" Mitch dropped down into the chair opposite, jogging the table slightly. He had his usual friendly demeanour, but V now knew better; This man could wear any emotion he wanted, no matter the storm beneath. V politely nodded in acknowledgement, still chewing on food.</p>
<p>"Ya' know what I said 'bout findin' drama?" He laughed a few deep rumbles. "Well even I didn' realise ya' could find it without lookin'!" he laughed again, it appeared genuine. V finished his mouthful</p>
<p>"Meanin'?" V smirked and Mitch grinned in response</p>
<p>"Meanin' ya' got 'em all riled up 'thout even leavin' ya' tent!" </p>
<p>"Noticed the looks too?" V queried and Mitch nodded sagely</p>
<p>"Mmhmm" </p>
<p>"Know why?" </p>
<p>"Mmhmm" Mitch the epitome of smug</p>
<p>"Gonna explain?" V interrogated.</p>
<p>"Nah, 'fraid 'm keepin' outta this mess. None o' my business, I don't like drama. Ya' 'ppreciate that?" Mitch explained, however V found this answer unsatisfactory, and just grunted in reply.<br/>
"I 'ppreciate you leavin' matters with... <i>Him</i> alone too..." his eyes firm, yet expression easy going. </p>
<p>"Meant what I said" V narrowed his eyes</p>
<p>"Ya' mean everythin' ya' say, Corpo?" And there it was. The answer for the question that had bothered V since his tiff with Mitch before, he could respect V, he could like V, but he couldn't trust V, and he might never; All because of his rotten past. V understood, he wouldn't trust an ex-corpo any more than one still jockeying in the rat race. As V digested this he saw something cross Mitches face, he looked pleased? His words must have had the desired impact, he wanted V to put the pieces together. The question that remained was if the picture revealed truth or another mask.</p>
<p>"If you wanna stay outta drama, why sit here?" V inquired</p>
<p>"Wanted ya' to know where I stand" Mitch answered with a knowing look.</p>
<p>"Hey Mitch. V, let's get going" Panam appeared next to V, putting her hand on his shoulder and giving it a slight squeeze.</p>
<p>"Hey, Panam. Good t' see ya'" he sent Panam a brilliantly warm smile, "I ain't gonna keep ya', ya' got work that needs doin'!" V stood up stiffly nodding a goodbye toward Mitch, then his eyes floated to Panam, his mood lifting upon meeting her reassuring look. They trudged off, heading straight to Panam's truck.</p>
<p>The second they were both in the truck with both doors closed Panam quietly asked "What's going on between you and Mitch?" her face was completely unreadable, her eyes studied him as she waited for an explanation. She wore a mask too now, and V realised for the first time where she learnt that ability, and Mitch's words <i>I half raised her</i> rang in his ears. V almost laughed. </p>
<p>"Makin' friends" V hesitated, he wasn't sure how to answer, how much to reveal, or how little, knowing only that he certainly didn't want to lie. Panam let out a condescending scoff.</p>
<p>"Come on, V. Neither of us believe that." She levelled him with a cynical frown. V couldn't think of the right way to answer her question without bringing up Martin. He squirmed nervously in his seat for several seconds,<br/>
"It's okay. We don't have to talk about it, I won't force the issue. Just.. I... You can talk to me about anything that's bothering you" she appeased, though she seemed a bit strained, her smile tight. V almost blabbed, however his fear of tearing up old wounds kept his mouth firmly shut on the topic.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Panam." was all V could force out. They sat for a few moments, each both deep in thought. "So, what kind of trouble we startin' today?" he tried with an apologetic smile. She begrudgingly began to smirk, clearly fighting it's every advance. Finally she relented and rolled her eyes</p>
<p>"Only the good" she sighed. V beamed back at her, fighting the small voice arguing to reveal everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as Panam's truck roared into life and pulled away from the camp V felt a strange mixture of ease and excitement wash over him. It'd only been a few weeks since he and Panam had gone off on one of their adventures together, but it felt like months. He considered for a few moments how many times his life had changed in a relatively short space of time; He had been miserable with all aspects of his life, professionally, socially, and mentally just 7 months ago at Arasaka. As a no name merc nothing changed, he had wondered if that was just how life felt. Then he went and stole that cursed biochip. Developing his reputation until he was THE merc had been fulfilling for a time; The adrenaline, the thrills, and the large stacks of eddies to waste on whatever knick-knack or passing fancy he so desired. But he'd still go back to an empty apartment and watch his life pass him by. Now though. Now he had no money, no apartment, and no fucking privacy... Yet he woke up happy, he spent his day feeling at peace, and he enjoyed simply existing.</p>
<p>A loud thud shook the truck as it thundered down a hillside, so too it shook V from his reverie as dust and rocks skittered and crunched under the momentum of large wheels. The landscape whizzing by it wasn't long before they were pulling up on an old semi-rusted radio tower. In various places it had been repaired and new struts welded on, craftsmanship patchy and uneven.</p>
<p>"This should be the first one." Panam announced as she undid her seatbelt nodding ahead, she hopped out into the blazing midday sun. V adjusted the sunglasses she had given him, jamming them as close to his face as possible, the last thing their day out needed was a glitch fit and coughing up a lung. Stepping out of the truck he found himself distracted by the view, he could see for miles, though the heat made distant detail hazy. It reminded him of the place he found the day before, only less picturesque. The eerie creaking and groaning of the metal structure exposed to a high temperature brought his attention back to the task at hand, maintenance.</p>
<p>Jogging to catch up with Panam he became vigilant, he was on guard duty and proceeded to search for danger. Panam fished some grimy gloves out of the bag she had slung over her shoulder, putting them on before she set about scaling the structure.<br/>
"Um, these are very hot" she indicated the ladder, "I'd stay down here" she cautioned, then proceeded to climb.</p>
<p>"Not as hot as you!" V started and reached for the ladder, immediately regretting his mistake he snatched his hands back "Ow! Fuck!"</p>
<p>"I did warn you" she tossed over her shoulder, not even to looking at the cause of his exclamation.</p>
<p>"Wanted t' see the view!" V protested, this was only half true, he also wanted a better vantage point for scoping out threats.<br/>
"Never mind, 's a great view from here" he corrected as he became enthralled by her hips swaying side to side and she ascended. When she reached the uppermost platform she dumped the bag down and began prying the circuitry box open. V smiled to himself, charging his legs with power and rocketing upward, jumping from one shaky catwalk to the next until he reached the top layer too. He sauntered up to where a crouched Panam was busy disconnecting cables, and scanned for reflections or signs of life.</p>
<p>"I thought the view was great down there..." she remarked as she flipped a lever and began disconnecting cables.</p>
<p>"Even better up here" he returned, unbeknownst to her that his eyes were fixed frimly on her form. "What's that?" He queried, pointing where she was working.</p>
<p>"The RRH control box"</p>
<p>"What's RRH?"</p>
<p>"Remote radio head..." she sighed</p>
<p>"What's-"</p>
<p>"Are you going to question the intricacies of everything I do? It'll take all day!" she grumbled in clear exasperation, stopping her task and turning to frown where it was visible.</p>
<p>"All day with Panam Palmer?! Sign me up!" V laughed and pointed finger guns, she stifled a giggle and struggled not to grin, giving up and simply turning back to her work.</p>
<p>"You're such a gonk" she mumbled. For his part V understood that she didn't really want to spend the whole day explaining the minutae of radio towers and how they work, he kept politely quiet for the most part. He could't help find himself fascinated by her work, simply clipping, unclipping, soldering and replacing parts here and there without need to consult a manual, only her mind.</p>
<p>So their day progressed, it was fiddly work, and incredibly time consuming. By the fourth and final tower V had spent much of his day either watching Panam work, in quiet wonder at her skills and admiration of her methodical approach, or staring off into the distance scanning for hostiles, and looking for shapes in the clouds. He would have thought the idea proposterous when he had been at Arasaka, to waste a day doing little more than peacefully exist. The truth of his life now, however short it might be, was that this tranquility was more enjoyable than any gun fight, bar brawl, or aggressive acquisition of a small start up company.</p>
<p>"Tell me somethin', Panam" V started as they made their way back to the truck,<br/>
"Why'd the <i>Chief</i> have to do this kinda busy work?" it had been bothering him all day. She visibly winced slightly</p>
<p>"This isn't for the Aldecaldos as such, it was a personal favour." she spoke purposely, her words careful.</p>
<p>"Panam" he crooned in a husky low voice,</p>
<p>"Doc Strzechowski. She set terms." she grumbled as she yanked open the truck door and plonked herself down in the drivers seat. V went around to his side... His side? Did he have a side of the truck? He shook himself, he would mull that over later. </p>
<p>"Thought it was pro bono..." he investigated as he got in and sat down.</p>
<p>"Well it was... She.... Fuck... Can we not talk about this, please?" she beseeched, V was powerless to resist the plea in her eyes, though it simultaneously drove him nuts, why had the ripper doc changed her terms? Why had Panam clammed up about it? And why, oh why, did he not have a very good feeling about this...</p>
<p>"Ok. Want you to know somethin' though, You can talk to me 'bout 'nything that's botherin' you <i>too</i>" he replied honestly, as he placed a hand on her thigh, the same way he found he now so often did. Panam gave him a thin bashful smile, apologetic in nature. They set off on their way back to camp, the sun had dropped below the horizon half an hour before, the sky a veritable colour swatch of blues. Soon the sky would be it's usual sheet of obsidian, speckled with stars and the glowing ribbon of the Milkyway; They would be back as camp ready to settle down by the fire, and listen to the evening's habitual carousing.</p>
<p>"Wait, turn left." V indicated, Panam started turning left</p>
<p>"Why?" </p>
<p>"Jus' remembered somethin', found a place the other day, wanna show you" He smiled earnestly, Panam caught his look when she glanced over briefly and sprouted a small smile after. The terrain was bumpy, just as it had been the day before, now however it was bathed in the glorious silver light of the moon overhead. After a few more minutes they rolled to a stop when V indicated. Getting out and walking a few metres forward they came to a halt. The skyscape stretching out above them was astonishing; in the day the land seemed vast and impressive, whereas at night the stars, the infinite expanse and depth of space dwarfed all below it.</p>
<p>"It's beautiful" Panam mumbled, both of them looking up in awe, their constellation hung above them, how appropriate V thought. V moved himself behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, Panam reached her hands to hold his and they stood in silent amazement for what could have been hours, such was their shared wonder, their shared joy in simply gazing upon the manifestation of enternity.<br/>
"Thank you, for this." Panam whispered</p>
<p>"Back at ya"</p>
<p>"I meant-"</p>
<p>"I know." V interjected, his voice low. He could not see her face but he hoped Panam was smiling as he was, an expression of calm, cheerful serenity.</p>
<p>"Hey, V?" </p>
<p>"Yeah?</p>
<p>"I've always wondered something, since we met, since we... You know.." she stumbled on her words, but he knew from her tone she didn't mean sex, she meant their relationship.<br/>
"What's your name?" it was curiosity, she didn't understand the meaning his name held to him, it was the only thing he had carried with him through his whole life and was proud of. She didn't know why he guarded it steadfastly; It was the only thing left of his mother, the only thing she had given him that he had left. Everything else had been burned, stolen, or with great regret, destroyed in a fit of rage - the rage of a child furious at his mother for getting sick, furious at his mother for not pulling through, furious at his mother for dying, <b>furious</b> at his mother for leaving him all alone.</p>
<p>"Vincent" he answered resolute</p>
<p>"Vincent" she repeated slowly, trying it out in her mouth.<br/>
"Why's it always V?"</p>
<p>"'S important to me. Don't want to share it with the world" his voice wasn't entirely stable and his throat felt tight. Feeling his body tense he noticed Panam grip his hands tighter, hugging them almost as much as they surely hugged her.</p>
<p>"Why not?" she asked gentley, voice barely audible.</p>
<p>"'S all I got left of my mother" he choked, so many years ago yet the wound still cut deep. Panam released his hands and turned in his arms, she hugged him fiercely for a long time, her hands rubbed soothing shapes on his back.</p>
<p>"Thank you, for telling me" she breathed, V wasn't sure how to respond to that, or even if he should; Part of him wanted to thank her for listening, another part wanted to spill all of his secrets, he settled on lifting her head up with one hand to place a decisive kiss on her lips. When they broke apart V pointed to the sky.</p>
<p>"Ursa Major" he stated, </p>
<p>"Our Star?" she queried,</p>
<p>"Our Constellation." He amended, the corners of his lips tugging.</p>
<p>"You've been reading?" Panam asked innocently, smirking all the while</p>
<p>"Know I have." He rolled his eyes, noticing something glinting on the ground nearby. V walked over to the object and began keenly eyeing it, flicking off some of the encrusted dirt he realised it was an old bullet casing. Perhaps it was best to head back, it was late and while close enough to the city to ward off most Raffen Shiv, and in the middle of nowhere that any approach would be heard, it was still dangerous.<br/>
"Gettin' pretty late, might be best we head back" He suggested.</p>
<p>"Hold on, if I recall correctly, you still owe me an apology..." Panam reminded flirtatiously</p>
<p>"'N you still gotta make up missin' our date..." flirted back</p>
<p>"Do I?" she teased</p>
<p>"Mmhmm, promised..." his tone deep</p>
<p>"Maybe we're both in the wrong." her tone sultry</p>
<p>"We gonna kiss 'n make up?" his voice throaty</p>
<p>"Something like that..." her voice positively erotic</p>
<p>V could feel her eyes boring into the back of his skull. He dropped the bullet casing and slowly turned around only to find himself immediately trapped, her gaze paralyzing. Panam had her lip help seductively between her lips, her eyes filled with lust. She began slowly walking toward him, each step a deliberate sway of her hips, her face anchored to his, her hands carefully sliding the straps of her top free from her shoulders. Each action measured. V swallowed hard, his feet rooted to the floor. Panam pushed her top down exposing her bronze taut stomach, her perfect breasts, a strangled noise escaped V's throat. She finally reached him, their eyes chained together with fire, her hands blazed across his skin, nails dragging up his chest as she removed his shirt. Each bump and scrape burned, electricity sparking out to every limb.  Unable to hold back for a second longer his hands shot forward and grabbed her waist pulling their naked torsos flush. His face crashed upon hers, urgent flaming kisses trapped their lips in a ceaseless war, each determined to claim victory.</p>
<p>V abruptly picked Panam up and she swung her legs up and crossed them behing his rear, their mouths still fought, her hands grasped and flexed over his back, desperate to feel every inch of skin. V wobbled forward toward the truck, his feet stumbling under his frayed nerves;  his senses exploding each time she moaned into his mouth. Clumsily he climbed into the cab, the two of them twisted together as one, and slammed the door behind them. The material between them had to go. They both frantically released each others bodys and desperately pawed to remove their own clothes, both determined to try and maintain their oral link, broken contact occasionally leaving them gasping for air but eagerly chasing each other to reestablish connection.</p>
<p>Panam suddenly tugged and rolled them both over, her naked crotch rubbing against V's boxers covered erection, both of them moaned and shuddered at the contact. Panam broke off momentarily and savagely ripped the final offending article of clothing down his legs, diving back intantly. Their hands were insatiable, V's danced across her back and ass, hers scrabbled at his neck and face. V's dick bobbed and pressed against her stomach demanding attention. She broke off, a lewd grin gazed down at him and V returned a leer of his own, both of them consenting. Emphatically.</p>
<p>Panam lifted slightly and reached to grasp V's throbbing erection, he sucked in a short breath as she held him, a satisfied smile spread across her face. She guided him to her entrance, rubbing his glans along her wetness several times, the stimulation had V fumbling to control his hands. She pushed back and took him in, welcoming and shuddering. Her eyes rolled back as she unconciously leant back, grinding V in deeper. After a moment adjusting Panam leaned forward again, starting to bob her hips, V matching with small thrusts of his own.</p>
<p>Picking up pace they both began to moan, the heat building in both the air and their bodies. Her rocking increased further, her panting and mewling growing louder as she grew closer to her release. V thrusted as much as his position allowed, one hand exlpored south and started toying with her clit, she bucked hard, her movements becoming more wild and needy. V reached up and grabbed one of her straining hands in his and pulled it to his face, laying passionate kisses against her palm and wrist. Panam jolted fiercely, her body tensed, collapsing in on itself, a star going supernova, V thought the sight just as stunning. He struggled to hold himself, her walls gripped him tightly. She flopped forward and V braced her as she fell to his chest. He slowed his thrusts, waiting for her mind to return to earth.</p>
<p>Gradually her eyes opened, satisfied yet greedy for more. V grabbed her waist and rolled them both over in one swift flip, his elbow catching on the window frame, and still buried in Panam. The landing pushed V deep to Panams core, still sensitive from her first orgasm her eyes rolled back, her mouth drawing out a loud squeal.  He began pumping with strong deep strokes, he was determined to bring her pleasure again. Panam's fingers dragged down his back, and palmed his ass as it pounded, she vigorously pulled at him as he thrusted, forcing him as deep as possible. His willpower fading fast V searched for Panams attention<br/>
"Want me to?.." he laboured, biting his bottom lip in defiance of his urges. </p>
<p>"Safe...." she strained between bumps, "contra-implant..." her voice breathy, she was exceedingly close. V nodded in understanding, and knew he didn't have long either.<br/>
He caught her mouth with his, trying his best to pour his feelings in to it. Her hands slid up his sides and they grabbed his face. Knowing he only had seconds but Panam needed a tiny bit more he activated his Sandevistan implant, he used the time dilation to jack-hammer faster than before, she moved slowly beneath him, the waves of ecstasy on her face now more distinct. The time dilation ended and V rammed forward, Panam seizing and shuddering, V began to shake too, his release stuttering and sapping his conciousness as he  lost himself to the euphoria.</p>
<p>It took a minute or two for either of them to become aware of the world around them once again. Still panting somewhat V rolled off of Panam, but remained in contact.<br/>
"Ho... Oh.... Fuck!" Panam managed between breaths.</p>
<p>"We just did" V replied satisfied in every way possible. Panam began to laugh until her whole body shook, </p>
<p>"You're such a gonk!" she muttered, and after a time of simply relaxing next to each other she rolled to her side to look at him, gingerly her fingers feathered across his forehead and down his cheek.<br/>
"Don't ever change" she mumbled, it seemed almost to herself than directed at V. He thought back the night a few days ago, he thought about replying as he had then, but in this moment it felt different. They felt different. He just leaned over and kissed her reverently.<br/>
They lay brushing light caresses and small kisses for protrached length of time, neither wanting to leave the moment. So determined to stay, and so comfortable in their bubble, that before either realised their eyes closing they both drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well that is my second attempt at NSFW. I was aiming for a more 'heated' scene this time ;)</p>
<p>Also, I hope the slightly longer wait was worth it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Conciousness returned slowly, like waves upon the shore, slowly lapping against V's mind. He imagined himself on some picturesque beach from a lost past; white sands, turquoise ocean, and palm trees bathing him in shade, soft hands framing his face with shaky caresses. Shaky? V blinked and fought to open his eyes, after much effort he found himself staring directly into the deeply worried eyes of Panam. He was not sat upon fine sand but dusty dirt, there was no ocean to speak of, and the shade was that of the truck.</p><p>"Panam?" V asked thoroughly confused. He didn't remember getting out of the truck, he didn't remember anything beyond falling asleep listening to the soothing beats of her heart.</p><p>"V! Oh thank-" Panam started</p><p>"What's....Why 'm I... Sat here naked?" He looked down realising his state of undress.<br/>
"'N why have I got blood down my chest-" he noticed as he brought his hands up to his face that they too were covered in crimson.<br/>
"'N my hands??"</p><p>"Shit, V! You don't remember?!" she only seemed to grow more alarmed, her eyebrows knitting together in a way V hadn't seen since... Oh. Since he collapsed back outside Night City. He shook his head delicately, movement made his head feel like an over ripe melon, ready to split.<br/>
"You bolted upright speaking jibberish, then you jumped out the truck and began clasping at your face! By the time I got here... You were slumped against the truck..." each second had her eyes searching for signs of improvement, every other word her eyebrows quirked with concern.</p><p>"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. He knew his health was deteriorating, his brain had all the structural integrity of jellied scop on a hot day. But he didn't know he was black out and bleed half a pint of blood down his front deteriorating. This was his least favourite morning with Panam to date, of that he was sure.<br/>
"Well... 'Least it wasn't on my favourite shirt?" he tried, Panam was not impressed.</p><p>"Seriously, V?" her voice didn't hold the bite of a person genuinely angry, it was thick with fear, a rather foreign sound to V's ears.</p><p>"Love that shirt..." he winced as he forced the brightest smile he could. Panam gave a thin begrudging smile, and released her hold on his head, her hands too were smeared with red.<br/>
"Sure gone and made a mess of things..." He meant their morning, he meant himself, he meant her life. He was sure he hadn't made life easier for her.</p><p>"But not my truck" She too was forcing the biggest smile she could muster now, they both wanted things to be okay, they both wanted to avoid thinking too hard about V's predicament.</p><p>"Headin' back now?"</p><p>"We should probably dress first..." her face held the slightest hint of mirth as she glanced down at his crotch and raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"Oh, right!" V looked down and felt slightly embarrassed, he was sat without a jot of clothing in the middle of nowhere. Panam stood up and offered V her hand, he took it and hoisted himself up, enjoying the way the sun caught her golden skin.<br/>
"Got 'nythin' to..." he gestured broadly at himself.</p><p>"A bottle of water and my towel, which I just got laundered, so thanks very much!" she joked. V laughed along but mentally found himself once again distracted by how completely enamoured he was with not only her fortitude but her ability to lighten his chest whenever it felt heavy. Panam was fast to redress and set the truck back to driving position, V struggled with pulling up his jeans, hopping around and bumping into the side of the truck, his balance not quite at it's usual level.</p><p> </p><p>It didn't take long for them to drive the remaining few miles back to camp, as they pulled up and climbed out it took considerably less time for V to notice the muffled giggling from Lucille, and the rapidly changing amused or fearful expressions in camp, each dependent on who exactly the Aldecaldo studied. V glanced over and could see Panam looking a peculiar mix of annoyed and perplexed.</p><p>"Hey guys, if ya' got a few, we need to talk" Mitch called, his face dark and eyes steely. Panam seemed to stiffen slightly, the rest of the camp forgotten as she strode toward him. V trotted after her not enjoying his lack of information, everywhere people had knowledge of something he didn't. Every word, every look, a secret of its own and he hadn't felt this overwhelmed by suspicion since working at Arasaka. The three of them entered the largest tent which was conspicuously empty. </p><p>"What's up, Mitch?" Panam queried, her tone flat. </p><p>"Ya' know what's up. Now, I got the clan thinkin' that ya' day out was nothin' but 'n excuse to have ya' way with each other" Mitch kept his voice quiet but V could see he was straining to contain his frustration. He found the sight very strange, Mitch was a master of showing any emotion he wanted, precisely <i>when</i> he wanted, yet here he was struggling to control just one. Panam grimaced, from the clans perception of the day before, or from Mitch's tone he wasn't sure.<br/>
"But ya' gotta be smarter 'bout this! They find out, don't think they'll be real forgivin', Panam"</p><p>"I have it under control" Panam growled, her voice low too.</p><p>"Do ya'?! 'Cause it looks awful diff'rent. Ya' even sure ya' can trust 'er?" Mitch sniped,</p><p>"No, but she's our only shot!" she defended, clearly upset.</p><p>"They already said no. You really wanna go down this path?" Mitch questioned, suddenly sombre. They were both quiet for a time and V considered how everybody in this camp had secrets.</p><p>"What's goin' on?" he interjected at last, disrupting the staring match Panam and Mitch had begun. Panam turned her attention to V, her face relaxed ever so slightly, </p><p>"Please, I need you to trust me-"</p><p>"'Course!" V affirmed, and the corners of her mouth twitched,</p><p>"I'll answer your questions later, for now... I need to... Need to think!" Panam sighed, then marched out of the tent. V stood watching the entrance for a several moments, he wondered if he should go after her? Probably not. Should he snap at Mitch for whatever was upsetting her? Definitely not, it was obvious it wasnt Mitch that had upset her, it was whatever they were discussing, V suspected it involved Dr Strzechowski somehow.</p><p>"She not told ya' what's goin' on yet, has she." it wasn't really a question, Mitch was stating facts. V just shook his head as he turned to the older man.<br/>
"Ya' better remember what I said. She'd burn ev'ry bridge if it saved yours..." he sighed, resignation and a hint of pride permeated his voice. Mitch closed his eyes and breathed in a few deep breaths, when he opened them again his mask was back in place, the friendly grin, the playful eyes, a man without troubles.<br/>
"See ya', V" He chirped as he waltzed out of the tent leaving V alone.</p><p>Fuck. V scrubbed his hands up and down his face several times, trying to calm his thoughts. He needed a shower, he needed a change of clothes, he needed a distraction. Setting off to Panam's tent to get the relevant hygiene products and clothes V noticed Julian scowling furiously at him, then whispering something to the Aldecaldo stood next to him. Why couldn't he just have the family he was promised when he joined? He knew it would never be so simple, but he hoped maybe one day it could be, a day sometime before he lay on his death bed would be preferable.</p><p> Stepping out from a reinvigorating shower V found he felt much better than he had earlier in the day, his head no longer throbbed, his balance was restored, and he finally felt ready to face whatever came next. As if on cue a message came through from Panam.</p><p>'Meet me at the truck, Strzechowski sent coordinates'</p><p>V was in a hurry but couldn't shake the bad feeling that was rising from his stomach, he took time to put on his body armour, and arm himself. He wasn't going unprepared to meet an ex-corpo. His thick boots scuffed along the now well worn pathways about camp as he trudged up to Panam's truck, she was already seated and was tapping her fingers against the wheel absently, the engine running. He clambered into his seat and buckled himself in, within seconds Panam was calmly pulling away, she was in a rush but didn't want to appear as such.</p><p>"Hey " V greeted, an easy smile, in spite of everything he couldn't stop the happiness that formed on his face whenever he saw Panam.</p><p>"Hey" she smiled back fondly. The uneven terrain beneath quickly gave way to moderately flat albeit cracked roads.</p><p>"So... What's goin on, Panam?"  he probed, and Panam took a long steadying breath.</p><p>"We're on our way to meet Doc Strzechowski, she has agreed to try and help you." she answered. He knew she wanted to say more but was struggling to find the right way to say it.<br/>
"The Aldecaldos, Emilio Santiago, specifically... They don't want... They don't want us to try and find a way to heal you." She frowned, V knew that this was a bigger issue than her demeanor would suggest, his studies had informed him that the Santiagos had lead the entire Aldecaldo faction since Juan Aldecaldo died.<br/>
"They told the doc not to help us. And they advised me to... Let this play out." she stiffened in her seat and her knuckles were white against the steering wheel. </p><p>"This certainly explains why I couldn't be your plus one..." V shrugged with a grin, he knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation, he didn't want to make this harder for her.<br/>
"Mind if I ask why?"</p><p>"Arasaka may be weakened, but you're still number one on their to-kill list. The Aldecaldos don't want that shadow looming over them." She strained as she spoke the words, he could tell she didn't agree with them, but she understood their stance, V found himself acknowledging the same points.</p><p>"Are we betrayin' the Aldecaldos?" he queried softly</p><p>"No! No!" she huffed in frustration "We are getting help independently from the clan"</p><p>"That why we had to do Strzechowski a favour?" </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"What she want the radio towers for?" </p><p>"I... I didn't ask. She set terms, I agreed to them" she hesitated</p><p>"Gonna cost us anything else?" V continued to quiz</p><p>"For the moment just silence, she <i>is</i> betraying the Aldecaldos. I was told it was prefered I didn't help you, she was <i>ordered</i> not to help you." she slid him a pointed look and V nodded thoughtfully. Whatever this Doc had planned, it was worth risking her Aldecaldo protection. </p><p>"If the rest of the family don't know... Why 'm I gettin' the dirty looks?"</p><p>"I don't know" she replied "But I've seen them too." she added her expression contemplative. They drove in silence for a while, V had much to consider. He undoubtedly hadn't made Panams life less complicated, yet she was going to help him, no matter what. A soothing balm for his heart that she was so fervently defending his corner, but itching powder for his conscience that he might be leading her into disaster.</p><p>"Thank you, Panam." V spoke at last, his voice sincere. She nodded slowly her lips pursed and jaw straining, she had something to say but appeared unable to say it. V fiddled with the music in her truck for a long while, finding her calm playlist, hoping it would work.</p><p> </p><p>After thirty miles of driving they stopped just on the outskirts of the abandoned Black Canyon City, the wind whistled eerily through the buildings, a door creaked and slammed in its frame, and V fought the oppressive sensation of being watched. Panam rounded the truck and set off east cautiously, glancing around at nothing and everything, she felt it too. V joined her after a quick scan of his optics, he couldn't see anyone or any sign of recent life. Carefully they scaled a ridge only to find a shiny silver painted security bot stood mere metres from the coordinates sent, it was unarmed and had it hands held together curiously infront of its chassis.</p><p>"Good day, are you Panam and Vincent?" the robot cheerfully greeted, in a manner not disimilar to Delamain.</p><p>"V, just V" he corrected "But yeah"</p><p>"My apologies sir! I shall endeavour to address you as such. I am Mr.Silver, a pleasure to make your acquaintance! One moment please, while I validate your credentials" it proceeded to scan them, neither he nor Panam moved. V noticed a Militech logo beneath the paintwork, its surface raised minimally, <i>almost</i> imperceptably. He tentatively reached his hand around to the shotgun strapped to his back, ensuring he made no sudden moves.<br/>
"Excellent! Identities confirmed. We may now proceed to the meeting with Dr Anastazia Strzechowski, she is most eager to meet you. Please, follow me." It politely continued in it's upbeat tone as it turned and clunked away. V and Panam both looked at each other in puzzlement, this wasn't what either had been expecting. However, circumstances being what they were, they both knew they had little choice but to comply.</p><p>"It much further?" V inquired after 15 minutes walking up and down the rocky ridges.</p><p>"No sir, we are very close now" it replied blithely, hopping down multiple assorted rocks into a gully. It was feeling evermore like an ambush. A few moments later the bot came to halt beside a very well concealed door, without entering this large crack in the earth, and without knowing where to look, V was sure this place could remain eternally hidden.</p><p>"Here we are!" Mr.Silver commented brightly as the door opened automatically, and stepped in beckoning them to follow. The world beyond was such a stark contrast, everything was a clean white sheen, as if colour had been drained from every molecule.<br/>
Guardedly Panam stepped forward, her hand tucked behind her back to grip a pistol he hadn't even realised she had sequestered under her jacket. They accompanied Mr Silver through a few hallways, before he gestured at an open door, behind it a thoroughly sterile looking ripper doc surgery. Upon entering the room the lights seemed to grow more luminous from a dim pale blue to an aseptic cold teal. Mr silver stayed outside as the door shuttered behind them.</p><p>"Please release your weapons, let us be civil" a feminine voice called over some form of tannoy. It was a gamble but V decided his Sandevistan would make up any difference if he needed, and released his gun immediately. Panam was less keen, taking a few moments to deliberate before she too lifted her hand away.</p><p>"Thank you. I am-" a large white panel moved away as the synthetic tone morphed to the human clarity of a woman emerging from the new space, flanked by two more disarmed robots.<br/>
"Doctor Anastazia Strzechowski." Her expression was more bleak than the decor, skin a pale snow, chestnut hair coiffed neatly behind her head.</p><p>"Hello" they both replied in mismatched unison. The doctors eyes flickered between the two of them for a moment,</p><p>"This is Mr Gold, and Mr Bronze" she supplied, pointing disinterestedly at her escort. They were both identical to Mr.Silver save for their colouring, presumably painted for their namesakes.</p><p>"Good day." the two bots added in perfect unison. Panam frowned slightly, and V nodded stiffly in return. All of them were silent for a beat, either unsure how to broach the topic they were gathered to discuss or assessing the apparent capability of the others.</p><p>"Enough pleasantries" The woman decided "Miss Palmer here has informed me you have a very unique condition." she raised her brows<br/>
"From what <i>little</i> she did explain, and the <i>very</i> interesting news reports splashed all over the net, I have deduced it involves an Arasaka relic..." she let her statement hang in the air, smiling almost fiendishly when she recieved no denial, her conclusion proven correct.<br/>
"Or to be more precise, you have the only functional relic technology this side of the Pacific?" She was unsure about this line of enquiry, merely fishing for more information.</p><p>V just nodded, holding no urge nor inclination to explain, mentally noting that ever since setting foot in this room he'd felt cold for the first time in over a week, her presence was anything but reassuring. Panam appeared to sense his reluctance.</p><p>"V, we have to tell her, she <i>has</i> already put herself at risk and trusted us, we have to do the same for her." Panam encouraged, and V sighed in defeat. He set about explaining how he 'acquired' the chip, how he had been killed and rebooted, how the chip was damaged and let loose the engram onboard, the detail of names involved deliberately overlooked. He concluded his story with raiding Arasaka, and a <i>netrunner friend</i> splitting his mind from the hostile engram. The doctor was quiet as she paced a few times, her hands indicating in real time that she was far away in cerebration. She stopped abruptly and perched herself daintily on the plastic white stool beside the ripper chair.</p><p>"Please sit, I wish to investigate further" She attempted to smile at them, it's awkward lean presented itself as more of a sneer and V wasn't sure if which expression was genuine. He obliged and sat on the chair, trying his best to look unaffected as she jacked herself into his head. Panam moved forward and took his hand, soft strokes calming his nerves as the doctor poked and prodded through his firmware. It was different now; when he had been human he only knew a person was within his mind through the displays projected in his vision; But now? Every scan of code a scrape of pain through his skull, every diagnostic a disorientating stream of commands devouring his attention. Finally she withdrew her jack and shook her head, not speaking a word, her face one of disbelief.</p><p>"Well?" Panam asked</p><p>"This might be the most interesting technological-" the doctor began utterly awestuck</p><p>"About V!" she demanded crossly. The doctor recoiled slightly breaking her air of frozen stoicism.</p><p>"Of course. I have good news and... less favourable news." she hesitated, </p><p>"Jus' tell me Doc, 'M I dyin?" V investigated, more forlorn than intended.</p><p>"We all die eventually." she replied vaguely, he did not like the sound of that.</p><p>"The fuck that mean?" he interrogated hotly</p><p>"Mentally? You are pristine, a faultless database. Physically? You are an apple with a rotten core." She deflected a dismissive wave of her hand.</p><p>"So 'm fucked?" </p><p>"Not at all, I believe your <i>netrunner friend</i>  has removed the corrupted code that caused your biochip to damage the brain" she explained</p><p>"It's true then? V is the biochip?" Panam challenged</p><p>"Oh yes, that brain is fundamentally incapable of sending signals to even breathe, let alone walk and talk. Not a synapse firing beyond what the chip stimulates." Strzechowski remained detatched, "It's fascinating really!" she perked up inappropriately.</p><p>"Fuck off" V snapped as he leant forward to rub his temples with his free hand. Panam still held his other hand, she was still trying to sooth him, even with this news she was continuing to comfort him. He had no idea how she did it, if the roles were reversed he'd be an emotional wreck, and probably very unhelpfully smashing furniture. </p><p>"You are quite astonishingly a sentient being that exists solely on that biochip, your only issue is your failing meat puppet."</p><p>"Yeah, got that. Thanks" V growled lifting his head to glare</p><p>"I have <i>an</i> idea" she placated "I had a contact in Biotechnica, he had a small division in the Dallas headquarters, they were privately developing... <i>Custom bodies</i>... Anyone with enough wealth could have a new body grown, biological modifications almost limitless. I propose we look for him"</p><p>"We?!" V scoffed</p><p>"I don't think that's a good idea... With the clan and everything..." Panam tried</p><p>"I am not staying here like some foolish dodo waiting to be eaten. Militech knows I am in Arizona, they know I am near Phoenix. How long do you suppose it will take for them to find me here? I will <i>not</i> be found."</p><p>"So run?" V sniffed, he was still rattled.</p><p>"And go where? You will need me to safely transplant the biochip, you will need me to find the Biotechnica contact, and you will need me if you hope to survive long enough to see <i>any</i> of that happen." she completed, harsh yet nervous.</p><p>"Think trustin' you to come-"</p><p>"Do you truly believe you are the only person to regret coroporate life?!" the doctor attacked. She had obviously rifled through databases prior to their meeting.<br/>
"Do you honestly think you are the only corporate snake to deserve another chance?!" she was loud but panicky, her breathing laboured. Panam squeezed his hand.</p><p>"You can come" Panam uttered rejoining the conversation, her voice the authority ending all debate.<br/>
"You'll need a new name; Anna... Lawson, welcome to the Palmer family" she sighed and tugged at V's hand, urging him to leave the chair. V pouted to himself, apparently the Palmer family welcomed members more freely than the Bright family had. He scolded himself, Anna might not be saving the family leader, but she was going to save him. Hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>They left Anna to tidy her belongings and pack whatever she needed after she assured them she had her own means of transportation, and would join them as soon as she could.<br/>
No doubt the three robots would be doing all her heavy lifting, slight as she was, and seemingly unaugmented. V wondered as they made it back to Panam's truck if he would stay the least popular member of the clan for long, the <i>good doctor</i> had all the charisma of a cactus.</p><p>"Takin' her with us... That gonna piss off the Santiagos?"</p><p>"Probably" </p><p>"We gonna regret it?" V smiled playfully</p><p>"Probably" she smirked as she stole a quick glance over at V,</p><p>"We doin' it anyway?" his face split in the broadest grin.</p><p>"Another adventure with top merc V? Sign me up!" She teased gleefully.</p><p> </p><p>As the world zipped by V pondered his day, the plan was not what he ever thought it would be, he had grown quite attached to his body over the course of his life, more so when he thought Johnny might steal it.  And the ethical nature of growing a new body, did it form a conciousness of it's own? He hoped not, he wouldn't allow himself to be a body snatching engram either. Messages came through abruptly, as though queued up and signal was finally found.</p><p>'Hey V, Where are you?'<br/>
'I thought you said these choombas were friendly'<br/>
'Never mind, they're pretty chill"<br/>
'Wow, you're not popular choom!'<br/>
'When are you back?'</p><p>Judy had made it to camp, and was making friends faster than he had, as expected. What he hadn't expected was sudden wave of anxiety that he was dragging yet another person into the clusterfuck of his life; When Anna joined them it would mean they had the two largest corporations on earth gunning for them. Shit. A hand appeared on his thigh and gave a reassuring squeeze.</p><p>"We'll succeed, Vincent." The certainty and veneration in her voice melted his heart, it tugged at his chest, and warmed his every fibre. She was right, come hell or high water, they would succeed. Nothing would stop him from fulfilling his dream.</p><p>"Together" he agreed, his adoration evident. He leaned over to kiss her, a quick peck to punctuate his point. As he pulled back he almost added three more words, but caught himself at the last second. V wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his feelings bottled up, he was ready to shout them from the mountain tops, and proudly declare to them to the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not 100% happy with how this chapter turned out, but hopefully it's still enough to keep us going 'til next time!</p><p>Still thrilled to have you here 😄</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Panam switched off the engine and got out, V found himself excited and nervous to see Judy again. Last time he had seen her he had not yet met Panam, he had been stumbling through his attempts at sorting out his invasive engram problem, adverse to visiting Rogue purely out of spite and distrust of Johnny's plans. Looking back V realised Johnny hadn't been <i>all</i> bad, and seemed to truly want the best for him in the end; but it didn't erase how he spoke about joytoy's as though they weren't people worth caring for, the way he demanded V interrogate Evelyn whilst still in the lair of her captors... The site for some of her unspeakable ordeals, or the way he found the most upsetting part of Evelyns suicide to be that he felt it <i>ungrateful</i>. No. V in no way regretted his rivalry with Johnny, or ignoring going to visit Johnny's former flame for so long; If he had done things differently he might never have gotten to know Judy, and make his first friend in years.</p>
<p>Plodding along, away from the truck and back into camp, V searched his surroundings for that unmistakeable green and pink hair. Around him Aldecaldos were changing tyres on a truck, cleaning canteen untensils and crockery, or working on various crafts as a group; stitching together a rag blanket, painting sheet metal with the Aldecaldo insignia, welding together tent frame components. It was another reminder of how different his life had been as a Corpo, when he needed anything he just went and bought it, but when the Aldecaldos needed for anything, they made it from whatever they had. V wondered if it was all driven by necessity or if they enjoyed the endless acts of creation, probably a bit of both. He passed them by, all of them seemingly disinterested in V's comings and goings, save for the one or two trying to covertly sneak a contemptuous look.</p>
<p>"V! If ya' lookin' for ya' friend she's in there" Mitch called, pointing across the camp to a mid sized teepee, it's material a faded olive green, the appearance suspiciously similar to old military kit, perhaps left over from the Unification wars.</p>
<p>"Thanks" V waved back, at least Mitch seemed to have settled down and treated him amicably now; One down, everyone else to go! Well, two down. He smiled to himself, the right hand man, pretty important to get him on side, but the chief? Only opinion that mattered. Pushing into the tent V found Judy looking disdainfully at some electrical deivce in her hands, his intrusion broke her investigation and she wheeled around to face him.</p>
<p>"Oh! Hey, V" Judy smiled, V found himself with the peculiar urge to hug her in greeting. He'd never felt comfortable in expressing affection, neither physical or verbal, even less partial after his time working for Arasaka. He hadn't even hugged her when she found Evelyn in the tub. A choice for which he held significant remorse, why hadn't he? V would do it in a heart beat now; how he had changed over the last few weeks of his life, now barely recogniseable; Good, he was proud of himself. V stepped forward and took Judy into a friendly embrace.</p>
<p>"'S good to see you Judy!"</p>
<p>"Oh. Good seein' you too" she answered a touch of perplexity in her voice, when he pulled back she had a small smile tinged with confusion.</p>
<p>"Was startin' to think you weren't comin'!"</p>
<p>"Don't be a gonk" she dismissed, and the tent flap behind him rustled</p>
<p>"Impossible, he <i>is</i> a gonk!" Panam teased as she walked to stand beside them, smiling as she did so.</p>
<p>"Two seconds after meetin' 'n you're already gangin' up on me?" V moaned half heartedly, grinning when he glanced over to Panam.</p>
<p>"Well if the shoe fits..." she returned a smug smile on her face, the two of them engaged in a silent staring match, Panam gleefully daring him to quip back, V desperately trying to think of a good come back. Judy cleared her throat to their side.</p>
<p>"Oh! Ah, Sorry Jude" V jumped slightly as he turned back to a curiously smiling Judy, " Panam, this is Judy, the best Netrunner I know. Judy, this is Panam, the greatest person you'll ever meet!" V gushed</p>
<p>"BD editor. Not netrunner!" Judy corrected, a slow small smile creeping across her face.</p>
<p>"Ehh, to-may-to to-mah-to" V shrugged</p>
<p>"No, not to-may-to to-mah-to, two different things" Judy clarified</p>
<p>"Did my professional gonk here sign you up for the wrong job?" Panam laughed and flicked her thumb at V. <i>My</i>? He was <i>Her</i> gonk, V had never been happier to be called a gonk.</p>
<p>"Pshh, I can do a little netrunnin', just no <i>major</i> biz." Judy admitted</p>
<p>"That's all we need. Thank you, Judy" Panam visibly relaxed slightly, "Do you need a tent or anything?" </p>
<p>"Nah, got everthin' I need in my van" Judy shrugged, Panam bobbed her head in acknowlegement then sighed abruptly.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I'm being called, I'll leave you guys to catch up. Nice meeting you properly this time" she gave a somewhat pointed glare at V, then smiled again </p>
<p>"You too." Judy nodded</p>
<p>"See you later" Panam added as she dropped a quick kiss on V's cheek as she walked away. V found himself beaming and turning to watch her leave, that damn hypnotic hip sway. After she had left the tent he twisted back only to be confronted by a knowing smirk adorning Judy's face.</p>
<p>"What's up wit'chu?" she circled her finger around her face a few times, her expression now a shit eating grin. V blushed a fierce scarlet.</p>
<p>"I'm happy" he tried to sound casual</p>
<p>"Uhuh..." Judy raised an eyebrow</p>
<p>"She makes me happy" he continued in earnest, though maybe he wasn't quite ready to shout his feelings from the tree tops, certainly not before he told Panam herself anyway.</p>
<p>"Mmm, I see that" Judy laughed, "I'm only messin', that's great choom! But the messages you sent me? Pfft, didn't do <i>things</i> justice, so... Let's start from the beginning?" </p>
<p>"Beer?" V asked, Judy looked at him with mock derision.</p>
<p>"Duh" she scoffed, as she tossed the object in her hands dismissively on a nearby table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few hours later after V had explained everything that had happened to him after she left Night City, the beer bottles collected in a neat row beside them on the ridge overlooking the camp, they watched as the sun edged toward the horizon. He had specifically left out the more personal parts, although mentioned Panam's horror at being <i>heard</i>  by the clan so it perhaps wasn't a good place to tease, not yet at least; Judy had laughed merrily both from mild inebriation and the second hand embarassment. Finally up to speed with V's trials and tribulations, Judy let out a low whistle.</p>
<p>"You got almost as many problems outside Night City as you had in it! That's impressive..." </p>
<p>"Always was 'n over achiever! 'Sides, I got the best problem solver out here" he grinned jovially, the alcohol pinking his cheeks this time.</p>
<p>"Ha, your new family?" Judy probed innocently, she knew the actual explanation.</p>
<p>"Well, so far we're not exactly... Gelling..." he meshed his fingers together then pulled them apart making a noise vibrating his lips.</p>
<p>"That 'cause of your cyberpsychosis?" she chuckled</p>
<p>"My what?" He jerked to face Judy, she laughed heartily</p>
<p>"When I got here, they were all aggressive 'n shit, I wasn't feelin' it, but then I told them I was invited <i>by Panam</i>, they calmed down and...." She stopped, guffawing some more. V sat indignantly, the setting sun lighting his face cartoonishly crimson.<br/>"Oh, these peeps love to gossip! They told me about some scary borderline borg freak, who they broke into Arasaka to put a control chip in his head, and now Panam kept him as an attack dog. One man army! Then I find out it was you? Oh man!" She flopped on her side clutching at he stomach as she laughed.</p>
<p>"They all think 'm a  <i>cyberpsycho</i>?!" V quizzed his confusion mixed with amusement, Judy's laugh was infectious.</p>
<p>"Naw, Well. I don't think so. But this one guy kept gabbin' 'bout it and the other's were either apathetic or unsure either way." She shrugged after managing to scramble up to sitting again. The exact nature of V's need to get to Mikoshi hadn't been explained to the clan as a whole, and now apparently speculation was running rampant.</p>
<p>"Who's the guy?"</p>
<p>"Tsh, I don't know names"</p>
<p>"Older guy, receeding black hair?" V interrogated,</p>
<p>"Nah, young, scruffy, dark brown."</p>
<p>"Wispy moustache?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, wh-"</p>
<p>"Julian..." V grumbled. Why did the bratty kid have such an issue with him?</p>
<p>"Ooo, he in trouble now?" Judy sniggered</p>
<p>"Nope. But we're gonna have a <i>chat</i>" V huffed stiffly</p>
<p>"You're not gonna smack him are you?" Judy asked still smiling but a small hint of concern in her voice, V knew his body language wasn't reading pacifist, but the unsaid implication that he <i>would</i> resort to hitting a gonk kid did sting a little. </p>
<p>"No" he rolled his eyes, "Just ask a few questions".</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sun set and the sky danced with an impressive technicolour display. They stumbled slightly down to the camp, depositing the empty bottles in a rubbish crate at the canteen when they sought food. Panam was sat at a table already, eating a bowl of scop. The food was a drab as it always was, but V enjoyed the company; watching Judy proddding unenthusiastically at the food before her just as he had when he'd joined, and with Panam being sat next to him rather than her ususal opposite. Panam's hand occasionally drifted over and caressed his thigh or arm affectionately, the contact far more pleasantly warming than the alcohol in his system. </p>
<p>Mr.Bronze clanked along the path carrying a canvas, followed by Mr.Silver carrying a tent frame. Neither Mr.Gold nor Anna were to be seen. The doctor had arrived in camp without causing a stir, surprising given her <i>temperament</i>, and the ostentatious entourage she kept. Perhaps he ought to go check up on her, make sure she wasn't up to anything diabolical. Panam caught his pensive expression and shook her head, either he was getting worse as disguising his thoughts, or she could read him like a book. He wasn't sure which possibility would get him into more trouble, a small smile tugged at his lips as he mused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Breaking away from the campfire later that evening both V and Panam got up and began strolling back to her tent, V exaggeratedly offered his arm, she rolled her eyes but laced her arm through his. Their steps were heavy and meandering, neither in a rush.<br/>Reaching her tent she entered first, he kept his voice low as he entered and began,</p>
<p>"Know the reason for the disapproving looks."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Panam pivoted back around and stepped closer looping her arms around his neck, fixing him with an attentive expression.</p>
<p>"Julian is screamin' cyberpsycho" V whispered his brows furrowed.</p>
<p>"Julian?.. Ugh..." she rolled her eyes dramatically sagging her head forward, the bun of dreads brushing against his chin.</p>
<p>"There a story here?"</p>
<p>"Pffft..." she flicked her head back up and groaned in frustration. "What are you going to do?" she queried.</p>
<p>"Ask him why" V shrugged, her arms bouncing as he did so.</p>
<p>"Sounds like a plan." she nodded in agreement, unconcerned. "Speaking of plans... I need you to do something for me" Panam sighed</p>
<p>"Anything" V replied casually and Panam puffed out a breath of laughter.</p>
<p>"You might regret saying that. I need you to watch the camp tomorrow, scavs have been spotted nearby and..." she took a beat and shuffled her shoulders, displeasure written all over her face.<br/>"I have been summoned to help search for Anastazia..."</p>
<p>"Umm... Didn't take 'em long to realise she was missin'?"</p>
<p>"No. She shut down communication and her tracker, hopefully before coming anywhere near camp."</p>
<p>"So you gotta help find a woman, that you don't want them finding. 'N know exactly where she is, 'Cause she's sat in <i>your</i> camp. This a good idea?"</p>
<p>"I have to prove I've got no connection to her disappearance by helping, simultaneously not immediately skipping town should help nudge them toward believing the... Lie." she muttered the last word, V hated that he was putting her in this position, but was glad it hadn't come down to making a choice, he hoped it never would. No matter how he felt about her, or how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he absolutely did not want her to have to choose between himself and her family. Although... Had she not already chosen? She was actively working against Emilio Santiago's wishes for <i>him</i>. No. It wasn't the same, nothing was final.</p>
<p>"So 'm on babysittin' duty?" V pouted jokingly and crossed his arms over his chest, hoping to lift her spirits even a fraction of the amount she lifted his.</p>
<p>"Sharing the load" she ammended, a coy smile graced he features "I investigate the missing Doctor, you investigate the <i>mystery</i> of <i>Julian</i>..." her voice jumping in disingenuous showmanship.</p>
<p>"Already know, don't ya'?" he narrowed his eyes, she just raised an eybrow and shrugged playfully. Yes, she definitely knew.</p>
<p>"I think it's a good opportunity for you to bond" she restrained her amusment poorly,</p>
<p>"<i>Bond</i>?" V's face morphed into one of horror.</p>
<p>"Perhaps find common ground... It's about time you started settling in." She was still relaxed and smiling but V could see the near invisible uncertainty in her eyes. She was right, he needed to try and get along with more of the clan if he was going to have a home beyond Panam's embrace. He could think of a few places to get started.</p>
<p>"Social butterfly? Got it." he winked with a smirk, Panam puffed a few breaths in humour, </p>
<p>"You're such a gonk" she shook her head grinning as she withdrew her arms, setting about getting herself ready for bed. V inadvertently found himself happily watching her go about her routine, finally realising he should do the same. She got in to the bed first, V climbing in after her, wrapping his arms around her body, and cuddling closer. The concept of spooning had always been ridiculous to V, restricting your ability to freely wriggle and roll into the perfect sleeping position, it was nonsense. Then he had slept next to Panam for the first time and he understood, the comfort of having someone close in that way was far more comforting than any sideways shuffle or shoulder shimmy; The blankets and pillows could be softer than clouds, but <i>this</i> was heaven.</p>
<p>"Good night, Panam." V breathed dreamily, and kissed the back of her head.</p>
<p>"Good night, V" she replied, kissing her fingers then awkwardly slapping them about behind her head, presumably aiming for his cheek yet missing several times, his smile grew exponentially with each failed attempt. It ocurred to V that every moment with Panam became one of his new favourites, the future suddenly looked even brighter, it was a good thing she had given him sunglasses, but at this rate he'd need welding goggles.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for my tardiness; Life is bein' a real bitch.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something blunt and solid jabbed into V's ribs repeatedly, his eyes opened blearily still unfocused, it was Panam's elbow. She had twisted, contorting her body to look at him sideways.</p><p>"I have to get up, can you?" she flicked her eyes away indicating for him to move. A coy smile tugged at his lips as he looped his arms mor tightly around her body, humming into the embrace.<br/>
"No, I've got stuff to do before I leave, please" she whined a soft chuckle leaving her lips when V wriggled closer.</p><p>"Nope, don't wanna" he mumbled happily.</p><p>"Please, V?" she tried again, and V sighed theatrically</p><p>"If you go on a date with me when you get back?" he bargained, his voice still hoarse from sleep. She puffed a few breaths in amusement,</p><p>"You know you don't need blackmail for that?" she snorted and squirmed, halfheartedly trying to escape.</p><p>"That a yes?" he livened up.</p><p>"Of course." She smiled softly over her shoulder a curious glint in her eyes. Happy with the answer V gripped her tightly and rolled them both over, Panam now on the outer side of the bed, his arms not releasing. </p><p>"V." she warned without any real enthusiam or desire to go. V loosened his hold, withdrawing his arms and fixing the back of her head with a facetiously petulant glare. She pushed up into a sitting position, swinging her legs down over the side, her back arching as arms reached up stretching. She glanced over her shoulder, and stifled a laugh when she found his expression. Leaning back she kissed him gently her voice a low whisper.</p><p>"Provided I get back in time" she teased as she lightly tapped her fingers along his cheek and got up quickly, evading V's clutching hands attempting to stop her. Panam got washed at the sink in the corner as V propped his head up on with a fist, watching her with obvious interest. Catching his look when she turned around to dress she rolled her eyes.</p><p>"You're such a gonk"  she snorted as she did up her jacket, readying herself to leave the tent.<br/>
"See you later, V" she smiled as she dropped a kiss to his lips in goodbye, </p><p>"Later, Panam. Stay safe" he returned his face painted with adoration. The corners of her lips tugged, clearly thinking about speaking, finally stretching into a broad grin as she turned, setting off leaving V by himself. He flopped back, a snug cosy feeling infused his body though it had little to do with the old camp bed.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually managing to heave himself out of bed, V stumbled off and showered readying himself for the day ahead. When he approached the canteen area and sat down for breakfast, he observed Mitch busily packing ammunition and weapons in to the back of Panam's truck, a small but growing worry took root, if push came to shove, who would Mitch side with? The Aldecaldos at large or Panam? Surely he knew enough or had figured out exactly what was going on to leave her very compromised, and now both Mitch and Panam were about to venture off with the other Aldecaldos to who knows where. V couldn't help himself, he abandoned his food and strode towards Mitch, his goal to try and gain some insight into what he was thinking.</p><p>"Hey, Mitch" V greeted in a friendly tone, marred slightly by his growing anxiety. The Older man turned around, a bright smile and cheerful eyes.</p><p>"Mornin', V. What can I do for ya?" Mitch tilted his head, the cogs turning in his head were more noticeable than they ever had been before. At this moment V realised he wasn't sure how exactly to ask him about his allegiance, certainly in no way that was subtle; Though blatant or not he knew Mitch would figure out his intention easily.</p><p>"Um... Think you're gonna need all that?" V pointed at the arsenal besdie them.</p><p>"Who knows?" Mitch replied, and overly smug grin stretched across his face. He definitely knew what V was badly tiptoeing around already.</p><p>"Don't know?" V probed, he wasn't giving up that soon. Mitch's smile faltered almost imperceptibly, before he regained composure and steeled his eyes. </p><p>"I sure hope we don't need it..." he sighed ammending his previous response, returning to pack the truck.</p><p>"Meanin'?" V prodded again, if he had to sneak off and follow them he would if he had to. If he couldn't trust Mitch to support Panam he wasn't going to watch her waltz into the lions den alone and unaware. Mitch stopped mid movement as he tightened a restraint strap on a crate. Slowly he twisted and stepped into V's personal space, his features and posture rigid.</p><p>"Ya' really ought t' know where I stand by now." he hissed, his voice quiet.</p><p>"N' you know where I stand" V lifted his chin, menace lined his expression.</p><p>"Mmhmm. Might not be on th' same page, but ya' on th' same book." Mitch shrugged, his knowing smirk reappeared as he began fiddling with the strap locking mechanism again. That was as close as he was going to get to reassurance V mused. His fears not entirely absolved, he left Mitch alone, he wouldn't be comfortable again until after this mission was complete and they were on the road again.</p><p> </p><p>After finishing his breakfast and clearing away his crockery, V started walking toward the vehicle tinkering area in search of Julian, he was not looking forward to this. If he handled this incorrectly he was sure the rumour mill would spin further out of control, the last thing Panam would need on her plate when she was already dealing with so much. Passing by the makeshift command tent he was distracted by the mention of his name.</p><p>"-talk 'bout V" a familiar voice, V was sure it was Judy, but she had a strangely harsh edge to her voice.</p><p>"What about him?" that was unmistakably Panam, and she sounded guarded.</p><p>"What'chu doin'?" Judy paused and Panam didn't answer for several moments.</p><p>"<i>We</i> are going to find a cure fo-"</p><p>"Not that, meant you <i>two</i>" Judy interrupted</p><p>"What's <i>that</i> supposed to mean?" V could picture the narrowing of her eyes and frown just from the sound of her annoyed tone, this was not going well. He began trotting around the tent, moving toward the entrance.</p><p>"It real? Mean something?" his feet skidded to a halt, frozen in place refusing to move, his mind warring with itself, he didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he couldn't fight the curiosity to know the answer. </p><p>"More than you know" Panam's voice thick with conviction.</p><p>"Good, 'cause I know people, if you hurt him..." Judy replied sharply her voice trailing off, V had never heard her sound so cold before, it was entirely alien. Though he was somewhat warmed to know she had his back, he couldn't shake the frustration at people continually butting into their relationship.</p><p>"Is that why you came here? To threaten me?" Panam's voice was calm, it even sounded slightly amused.</p><p>"Pshh, I came for my choom" she dismissed</p><p>"Is that <i>all</i> he is?" Panam needled. It was silent for a few beats and V's feet finally thawed, he started forward again. Judy erupted in peels of laughter.</p><p>"Oh, shit! Me and V?!" she roared with laughter again "Maybe in a different life" she cackled. V's feet chugged to a halt again, should he even be party to this conversation? What would he even contribute to the discussion? He should just leave; Hearing conversations one wasn't supposed to was how misunderstandings happened.</p><p>"What?" Panam sounded confused</p><p>"<i>He</i> isn't my type" Judy snickered.</p><p>"Oh. Oh! OOH!" V could practically feel the stages of understanding ripple through her voice, and knew that Panam would now be within approximately two shades of her jacket.<br/>
"Fffuck, that gonk never said anything!" realisation evident in her words.</p><p>"That a problem?" Judy sniped</p><p>"What? No! No, no!" she exclaimed with certainty "I'm just glad he wasn't here for this, the gonk would never let me live it down." she sighed in relief whilst a mischevious grin split V's face as he crept away, she was right. </p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later V tracked down his target, the annoying little thorn in his side, Julian. He was leisurely sat in a chair, brushing dirt and grit off a steel object, concentration angling his features. Deliberate meandering heavy foot steps carried V toward him until he was only a few feet away.</p><p>"Julian" V announced, his voice purposefully deep. Julian only then appeared to register V's proximity and jumped slightly, dropping the object it clattered along the floor, knocking against V's boots. He folded his hands together at the loss of the object, a poor attempt at disguising his unease with non-chalance.</p><p>"Hello" Julian mumbled.</p><p>"We have a chat?" V asked not waiting for an answer as he grabbed a nearby chair and wheeled it around to sit on it back to front, picking up the dropped object and offering it back to Julian in an outstretched open hand. Skittishly the kid snatched it back as though sneaking food from an active trap. After a few seconds Julian set the object down on the adjacent table and lifted a hand in gesture for V to continue.</p><p>"Got a problem with me?" V queried his tone flat. Julian seemed to stiffen slightly, but forced himself to straighten his posture, faking confidence. He was refusing to answer, but V stubbornly glared refusing to elaborate in response.</p><p>"You don't deserve her!" He snapped at last. V wouldn't exactly disagree with that, he had done more than his fair share of unworthy and dishonourable acts in his life. Still wasn't his choice to make though. </p><p>"Probably right." V agreed, letting the answer hang, the silence clearly affecting Julian more than himself.</p><p>"She should be with somebody who treats her right!" He snarled indignant. V agreed once again, though he disagreed with the implication that he treated Panam with anything other than the respect she was due. As the flash of anger subsided V caught the look on Julians face and the pieces fell together. This wasn't about him, this was about <i>Panam</i> specifically. V almost laughed, mercifully he managed to keep his newfound amusement contained.</p><p>"Don't think you're a bit young?" V fought to keep his tone genial, the dawning horror on Julians face as he realised V knew his feelings. </p><p>"I'M NINETEEN!" Julian barked. V had never battled against his face so much to conceal his thoughts. On the one hand this kid was displaying some very alarming behaviour alongside his blatant immaturity. On the other hand he almost understood, it baffled V that half the camp wasn't tripping over itself vying for Panam's attention... <i>Find common ground</i> Oh ha ha. If Panam could see this moment right now he knew exactly what smug grin she would be wearing, the tiny scar by the right corner of her mouth would be twisted upward, her brows lifted in mockery. Damn he adored that smile.</p><p>"If you care about her, stop making her life harder." V tried, his voice calm. Julian winced, as though struck physically. Looking defeated Julian huffed and turned away scraping at the metal object when he picked it back up, now ignoring V's presence. Not wanting to escalate anything, and not wanting to make matters worse V decided to leave, hoping that no further discussion would be necessary. One more 'cyberpsycho' accusation though? Then it would be time for more direct wording.</p><p> </p><p>When he left the tent he could hear the rumble of Panams truck fading into the distance. She better come back safe or he wasn't sure what he would do. Trying to take his mind of his worries he elected to catch up on a task he had been meaning to do for days, and now seemed as good of a time as any, and he hoped Panam would approve the gesture. Fetching his body armour from her tent, he made his way over to the group of Aldecaldos busy working on their own hand crafts, only a few observational glances noted his appearance.</p><p>"Mind if I join?" V asked without sitting down. The Aldecaldo's appeared to look from one another for a few moments before they collectively shrugged, and the older woman gestured for him to sit with the knife in her hand.</p><p>"Of course" her voice hoarse, the tone thrummed from decades of smoke inhalation. Her fingers held a cigarette, which she returned to her lips repeatedly in the following minutes.<br/>
The others all continued with their respective tasks, stitching and polishing. V fidgeted slightly, he needed help but felt awkward asking for it.</p><p>"There any spare patches?" he pointed at the Aldecaldo patch on the arm of the nearest person, then back at his armour. Half the group continued unbothered to dignify him with an answer, the other half eyed him wearily. On of them, a young boy perhaps eight or nine, passed him a large embroidered patch before anyone else could stop him, smiling kindly. He was the only child V had seen around camp since the family split, the son of Phil if he recalled correctly.</p><p>"Thanks" V nodded, picking up a needle and dark thread. He started trying to centre it on the back mirroring the Aldecaldo jackets. The boy giggled as V failed to stab the needle through the durable material repeatedly, the older woman rolled her eyes as though his actions were entirely foolish. Blushing slightly V stopped.</p><p>"'M a little new to this" he mumbled, he meant more than sewing.</p><p>"We all start somewhere" the womans croaky voice hummed again. She set aside her knife and whetstone, gesturing for V to handover the jacket. She undid a few poppers and zips, removing composite plates from the jacket, carefully placing them down and returning the now much lighter jacket.</p><p>"Try again." she advised. V gripped the needle and tried again, the material still offered tough resistance but it punctured now it wasn't blocked. Such a small change left V feeling foolish, however he enjoyed that for the first time since arriving in camp, the Aldecaldos were showing him a degree of warmth, even if it <i>was</i> still a chilly.</p><p>Several hours passed and V finally finished attaching the large Aldecaldo logo to the jacket securely. It looked a little crooked, and the threading wasn't the tidiest but he was pleased to have done it himself, to have done something productive. It still felt as though it was missing something. Limited though his skills were he decided to add a little extra, switching to a bold red thread that reminded him of Panam's Jacket he began stitching the letters PALMER just above the Aldecaldo insignia.</p><p>By mid afternoon V was finished on his jacket and the plates were put back in, proudly he wrapped it around himself, displaying it for all to see. He knew that practice would help but he was dissappointed it took so much of his day to accomplish. On the bright side it had kept his mind from worrying too profusely about how Panam's mission was progressing.</p><p> </p><p>Leaving the group and thanking Marina, as he now knew the older woman to be named, he decided it prudent to check in on their resident <i>doctor</i>.<br/>
Her tent had a strange almost eery atmosphere of its own, even though it was situated directly next to the camp it felt as though the air itself stilled and quieted, like the eye of a hurricane.</p><p>"Good day, V. Doctor Anna was hoping you would stop by, she has a present for you! How exciting!" Mr Silver chirped by the entrance. V wondered if that was intended as informative or as a warning to the occupant that a person approached. Entering slowly he found Anna sat at a pop up desk, closing applications before she turned a cold smile adorned her face.</p><p>"Hello, V. I have something for you" she paused removing a fresh syringe from its packaging, attaching a new needle to the end.</p><p>"What is it?" V questioned, his voice neutral as his eyes surreptitiously scanned the environment for clues.</p><p>"I have modified the composition of that <i>medication</i> your <i>street ripper</i> gave you. My serum is far better" she sniffed with disgust, grabbing a vial out of a nearby machine when it ceased spinning.</p><p>"That so?" V was skeptical. Anna narrowed her eyes in annoyance.</p><p>"It is so. One dose is both more effective at slowing the degeneration, and needs to be administered but once per month." She dismissed haughtily.</p><p>"Slowin' degeneration? If my brain isn't doin' shit, what's left to slow?" he challenged, she stopped abruptly, staring at him blankly.</p><p>"It is Layman's terms" she sneered "I am at far greater risk helping you than you are helping me, remember that. Also remember it does not serve me to see you dead before Miss Palmer fulfills our deal. I am not your enemy, I thought <i>you</i> would understand that more than any other in this camp." She snarled bitterly. V lifted his hands in resignation, but still didn't trust her, she was incredibly defensive. She gave a curt nod and without ceremony or warning grabbed his right arm, running a finger along it.</p><p>"Is this fully artificial?"</p><p>"No, just the grips 'n wires. Oh 'n titanium bones."</p><p>"Good" she immediately jabbed the needle into his arm and injected it contents, V sincerely hoped it wasn't malicious, that it was as Anna had explained. She withdrew and sat back in her seat, unconcerned with manners.</p><p>"So, don't gotta take those pills now?" he queried pressing two fingers firmly against the injection site.</p><p>"No. You do not." She sounded utterly disinterested in further conversation.</p><p> </p><p>Taking the hint V left the tent, the wind hit him as he stepped outside, it was really gathering strength. The camp appeared to be buzzing all around him, people were securing additional guidelines to tents, packing boxes and strapping them down. V dashed up the nearest ridge to try and locate the source of this disturbance. On the horizon rolling toward him was a great towering wall of biege dust, it stretched miles up into the sky, and endlessly out to the sides. The way it fluctuated and tumbled in on itself it reminding V of the Blackwall in cyberspace, how fragile it had been, and how easily it was pierced. They were similar in another way too, both concealed unknown danger.<br/>
V darted down the ridge and rushed to Panam's tent, he too set about securing the camp, bracing it for the oncoming onslaught.</p><p> </p><p>As he worked a video message came through from Panam, it was fuzzy and hard to make out.<br/>
"Hey, V. Listen, I don't think I'll make it back to camp tonight. Sandstorm's coming our way - no choice but to sit tight and hold it out." she paused for a moment, V knew this was coming, as soon as he'd seen the sandstorm on the horizon he knew their plans for the evening were dashed once again.</p><p>"Just wanted to say, uh... I know this isn't the first time... You know, that we had plans... Never realised how hard being a chief would be. Always looked so easy from the outside." she broke off, gathering her thoughts.</p><p>"I'm just... I'm so lucky to have you, V. You can't even begin to imagine how much it means to me, how-" her voice full of emotion, she was interupted by another voice and she looked away.</p><p>"Storm's closin' in! Thirty seconds t' blackout!" Mitch called though his words were muffled, she turned back.</p><p>"Guess it's time to go. I'll make it up to you, I promise." she appeared to nod just before the feed cut. V wasn't sure how to react, she had been so candid. What made her so afraid to talk to him like this in person? What could he do to comfort her, to let her know that he felt the same?.. Oh. V realised he really was a gonk. He was always leaving her to take each new step in their relationship; She kissed him first, she broached the topic of less than platonic feelings first, she initiated sex with him first, she asked him to <i>run away with her</i> first. No more excuses, he wasn't going to hide behind the paralysing fear of her running away, or rejecting him any longer. V knew it was time, he <i>had</i> to make this leap first.</p><p>It was his turn to risk saying something foolish.</p>
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